Overcoming Obstacles in My Fitness Journey: One Day at a Time

That said, it's always benefited my dating life. Now, I am healthier than I have been, really and truly, in a decade, even though I am still terribly obese. At 300 pounds, I am still between 50-100 pounds less than my heaviest; however, I am still at least 80 pounds short of my goal. That said, I'd be happy at 240 or 250, and 180-220 is a possible dream. But not the way I have been behaving lately.

Lately, I have been really pushing my luck with regards to maintaining my current plateau. This morning, for example, I used up my entire 1,500 calorie budget before 10:30 AM: I had a breakfast of 4 grocery store sausage patties, 5 large organic eggs, and two-and-a-half double-thick strips of bacon. That was about 1,000 calories or so. I added to that around 12 ounces of 4% cottage cheese with salt and pepper and a couple of portions of packaged shredded Mexican-style cheese, which is a four-cheese mix. That's it. A little over 1,500 calories and strictly carnivore. I logged it into MyFitnessPal and popped over to Zero to start my 20-hour fast. I am hoping that I don't eat more today and stick to it.

Today I will. I think I will use this daily blog post, posted to my Chris Abraham blog and cross-posted to my Fun Slow blog website. Being accountable to my day will hopefully help me follow through with what I want to do with my day. For example, it's 11:22 AM already, today, 17 August, 2023, and I haven't done any work yet this morning. I have also not done my daily calisthenics and body weight exercises at Walter Reed Community Center park on a daily basis, and I, like always, have a very good excuse for that: there have been end-of-days thunderstorms every day at around 2 PM-6 PM every day so I have been constantly rained out. Also, since I relax so much in the morning, I don't do my morning row or my morning slow jog, or any of that.

I am writing this because I see myself losing a lot of my commitment and my motivation. I really need to hold myself accountable to the success I don't just want to have but need to have as I move forward into my mid-50s and into the rest of my life—a life that might have been cut short back in early 2017 when I died for three minutes on a recovery table in Alexandria Hospital and was revived by an extremely motivated nurse who jumped on top of me and administered all the chest compressions before the rest of the hospital team could restore my heart with a crash cart. Now, my entire body is restoring. I am even growing back body hair I had been losing—especially on my bald shins! Now, I think even the hair on my head is thickening. I have a full head of hair today—but I don't think it was always like that. I think the front of my pate was pretty thin. But not anymore. I am sure it had everything to do with high blood pressure, heart failure, and insufficient circulation that is now treated and medicated.

But I also feel like I am on the verge of backsliding. This series of blog posts is my attempt to address this. I will work a lot today, but I will also do my body weight exercises and calisthenics at the park. I will also use my DIY suspension straps, and I will not go to bed without spending at least half-an-hour on the rowing machine before I go to bed. I am slacking. I am plateaued. I am demotivated. I am frustrated. It also seems like every time someone tries to give me advice or correct my behavior or nudge me, I respond badly to that. I only respond to attaboys and motivation and encouragement and not on correction or redirection or instruction. That's been happening a lot lately, and it's been bumming me out.

For anyone who wonders what my demotivating inner voice says to me when I am not actively engaged or doing my best, that's exactly what it sounds like. It's pretty brutal. And since my issues with gluttony and sloth are as difficult to fight as alcoholism or drug addiction, it's not remotely easy to "just don't eat" or whatnot. And, of course, like anyone, if you remove all of my pleasures, rewards, and enjoyments, things can get pretty dark. You know the saying, "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?" That doesn't work for me.

I am an extremely cerebral kind of guy and have lived in the cloud long before clouds were a thing. My head has always been in books, museums, television, movies, message boards, novels, art plates, and the radio, especially Lake Wobegon and the world of Talk Radio, NPR, music, and even those old, well-produced, cassette based audiobooks I listened to. These were often audio radio plays of Star Wars and other science fiction such as Hitchhiker's Guide and even old Art Bell episodes from the 90s, though that's nearly a decade after my teenage years.

I set my Zero IF app to 20 hours, so my next eating window won't be until 06:00 tomorrow. With the motivation and the reinvestment I'm making into losing the next 50 pounds towards my goal of 100 kilograms (220 lbs) that this blog post speaks into being, I hereby move onto my day. I'll be back to you tomorrow, Friday, or more likely on Saturday after Roosevelt Island Parkrun or Sunday. I don't want to make promises I can't keep regarding this self-motivational and accountability series. I will make sure that Chat GPT-4 does not change the writing or interpret my writing. This is the start of a series of blog posts that I hope will motivate me and keep me accountable. I will try to pop in tomorrow and tell you about the rest of my day, with the walking, rowing, and training. Wish me luck!