Berlin is surely the coolest city on earth. Erika La Tour Eiffel (AKA Erika Mauer) was my next-door neighbor for a while in Berlin.  She is an Objectum Sexual and here is her story! (You can watch all of the episodes here):

Don’t let the unique nature of her sexual orientation to turn you off to her.  She’s a badass and have accomplished amazing things in her 37+ years. She is coo, she is creative, and she is unique, for sure! I like her, she’s cool and doing cool things and definitely living her life her way.

Erika “Aya” Eiffel is authentic, amazing, and a world-class Olympic archer and was trained in Japan in the art of the Samurai sword and was actually conferred a world title in Soga-Ryu iai-batto-jutsu, san-dan (3rd level black belt) in Toyama-Ryu iai-batto-jutsu, and san-dan in the Zen Nihon To-Do Renmei:

From Erika “Aya” La Tour Eiffel’s Bio

I always had a fascination for weapons. Strange you say? Strange enough, that it lead me to start martial arts. I wanted to learn to use the Japanese katana. My plight eventually took me to Japan to study with the true masters of Japanese sword fighting. A few years ago my back nearly won the battle but after seven months of rehab, I returned and won a World Title and became the youngest instructor in the art of Soga-Ryu iai-batto-jutsu. I continued my love of the Japanese sword and earned the rank of san-dan (3rd level black belt) in Toyama-Ryu iai-batto-jutsu and also achieved san-dan in the Zen Nihon To-Do Renmei. I know, I know, I need start a webpage just dedicated to my other life as a swordswoman in Japan!

How cool is that?  Amazing!  Well, it doesn’t stop there… Erika “Aya” Eiffel transitioned away from swordsmanship to becoming an Olympic archer using her beloved recurve bow, Lance:

Archer Spotlight on Aya La Brie By Steve Ross

Having only started her archery career four years ago in 1999, Erika “Aya” La Brie had a tremendous year competitively in 2004. She was part of the Women’s Compound Team that took home a gold medal and new world record at the World Target Championships in New York City this past July. At the NAA Nationals, she shot both recurve and compound taking 10th and third place respectively. Aya also shoots the modern Longbow, traditional Japanese bow and is skilled in martial arts. I managed to catch Aya during an archery “holiday” due to a mountain bike accident.

USAA: I heard you recently had a serious mountain bike accident. What happened and will it impact your archery plans for the rest of the outdoor season?

Erika “Aya” La Brie: Well, I prefer to commute on my mountain bike as a form of cross training for my archery and last Wed. was no different. I was crossing a street on the walk signal and a truck came from the outside lane and turned in front of me. He sent me sailing when I tried to veer and brake. I flipped twice and crashed in a heap in the middle of the street. He paused only long enough to see if I was alive and sped off once I sat up.

I ended up with three mashed ribs, elbows, knee and ankle and large scrapes on my back. Fortunately, I always wear a helmet, which cracked. Otherwise, I have no crippling injuries. However, it did put a damper on the IBO Worlds, which I had to fly to the next morning followed by a five-hour drive. I managed to shoot but was in a lot of pain the whole weekend. Since my return, my training has been put on hold for the next few weeks to let my ribs and knee heal. I have never taken more than two weeks off from training and will have to rely on mental imagery until I can shoot again. Mental training helped me earlier this year when I was hospitalized for two weeks. All the experience gained from this year will help put together a good regimen until I’m ready to hit the range again.

USAA: I’m glad you’re ok and will only need a short break. You have had a fantastic year; shooting on the women’s compound team that shot a new world record must have been great.

Erika “Aya” La Brie: “Fantastic year” is more of an understatement to describe the year I’ve had! I started archery with recurve in 1999 and shot for one year before an injury forced me to shoot with a release if I wanted to continue shooting. So I picked up compound and shot for a year until last year when my hand healed and I could shoot fingers again. I switched back to recurve and made the U.S. World Field Team and alternate for the World Indoor Team. However, after shooting the Vegas Shoot this year with compound and recurve I decided I wanted to shoot both bows for NAA ranking. I had already decided I would shoot both bows at the Target Nationals, so I needed to divvy out the USAT events between both to meet the requirements. Indoor Nationals was the first step for my compound and decided the AZ Cup would be the second. The rest of the season would be recurve. Famous last words…

USAA: Tell me about shooting at the World Target event; do you treat it any different than just a normal FITA event?

Erika “Aya” La Brie: I was still in a dream-like state when I arrived in New York after making the U.S. Compound Team. I never ever imagined I would win the FITA and OR at the Arizona Cup, Texas Shootout and Gold Cup! Now I was standing on the shooting line at the World Target Championships!

All my FITA’s up to that point, I had trained myself not to fear the consequences of my shooting because I shot only for me. If I shot poorly, surely I would not shrivel up and die. Now for the first time I felt the weight of being on a team and representing the USA. My teammates were all experienced veterans and after having some difficulties on the first day of the FITA, I was afraid I would not be permitted to shoot the team round as the coach and other members questioned my experience. I pushed myself even harder and achieved several personal bests in the FITA and the matches. Now I felt that I had to prove myself to my team and to my country. To my greatest relief, the coach chose me to be the starting shooter in the team round. Since I was a rookie and had no expectations other than to shoot my best, I feel very blessed that I share a world record and have a gold medal.

USAA: Did you do any special training?

Erika “Aya” La Brie: Two weeks prior to the World Target, I moved to the Archery International Training Center in Carbondale, Ill. I worked on my backup bow and practiced shooting matches and having to deal with equipment failure etc. Good thing because I had to use my backup bow for one of the team matches. But not all my training was for the Worlds. I also had to train for the ESPN Great Outdoor Games, which was held just prior to the worlds. The Games required a speed setup and also a considerably faster shooting style than I use for target.

USAA: I don’t know of many archers who in the matter of just a few years are competing at the level you are. Do you credit some of this to your background in martial arts?

Erika “Aya” La Brie: I have made two world teams in four years with two different bows. I guess it is not common, but I have always felt my archery was a continuation of the martial arts I started many years prior to picking up a bow and arrow.

USAA: From what I understand you were a serious student of Japanese swordsmanship and Kyudo (Japanese archery). Can you describe this training?

Erika “Aya” La Brie: When I started martial arts, I quickly realized that contact martial arts was not a field I should explore if I wanted to preserve my kneecaps. So it seemed reasonable that I should fall in love with weapon’s work. The Japanese sword became my top choice from an arsenal of amazing traditional weapons. Along with training to draw, block and cut, I learned the value of becoming “one with your weapon.” This approach to fighting is where I found the most valuable tool for the mental game I currently use. Being so in tune with my katana definitely facilitated my way to winning the World Cup seven years ago. The katana was not a choice weapon for women. The training was rigorous and dangerous as we used live blades and actually cut in practice. Ask me how dangerous someday!

When I started Kyudo, I found myself getting very frustrated because of a handicap in my right shoulder. Regardless of how much I practiced, my shoulder refused to relinquish the flexibility I needed for certain motions in the shooting sequence. I shot four hours every day on a rooftop range at a Shinto shrine in Kamakura with my Japanese bow (yumi). Six months later I beat my entire school at a dojo tourney. I also was the first female non-Japanese to be inducted into the Ogasawara School of Mounted Archery. However, I knew that the beauty that made Kyudo an art would never be found with the imperfections in my form. I never even cared if I hit the target. I only wanted to shoot with beautiful style and form. I most definitely credit my training in martial arts to my advancement in archery. My bow is NOT equipment but an extension of my own being, just as my katana and my yumi were. My form, also unorthodox in many ways, is a style of my own and one that I am committed to.

USAA: You shoot Olympic style recurve, FITA compound, and various traditional bows. As for tournaments, you participate in NAA, 3-D, FITA and NFAA. Am I missing anything?

Erika “Aya” La Brie: I am still new to 3-D but have competed in a couple ASA and IBO tournaments each. I would like to shoot more 3-D but most are on the other side of the Mississippi. Since moving to Colorado, I have enjoyed shooting in CSAA (Colorado State Archery Association) tournaments and have broken nine state records since last December with all three bows. I am also new to the NFAA this year and was surprised to find a whole different organization with a different approach to target and field shooting as compared to the NAA.

USAA: Do you find it difficult switching between styles?

Erika “Aya” La Brie: This is the most frequently asked question. I learned recurve from a coach in Japan, but I taught myself to shoot compound and recently, modern longbow. Strange enough, my styles are so different from each other that I do not find it hard to switch, even in the same tournament and on occasion, the same shooting line. I find it a challenge to shoot all three bows at the same event, kind of like an archery triathlon.

USAA: Do you have a personal coach?

Erika “Aya” La Brie: When I started recurve archery in April of 1999, I had a wonderful coach for six months: Tastuo Nobori. He was my only coach and was very strict about mental and physical conditioning. But the foundations that he laid, I still use today. I’ve never had a compound coach. I just wanted to continue shooting so badly that I figured out how by applying what I learned with recurve to compound.

USAA:What is your training schedule like?

Erika “Aya” La Brie: I try to shoot four hours every day with focus on repetition of my shot sequence. At the end of training I usually do stamina exercises with my bow followed by a short run. I also cross-train by riding 30-50 miles or more a week on my mountain bike. I also jog 5 miles/run, a couple times per week. Every night just before bed I take a hot shower and stretch for 20 min. NO exceptions! I also do a lot of visual training using former pressure situations as the model.

USAA: Would you like to mention anyone in particular for giving you support this year?

Erika “Aya” La Brie: I never dreamed I would have the support that I do in archery. My greatest being from the Lord above. My sponsors are TechnoHunt, Doinker, Sure-Loc, Golden Key Futura, Carter and Specialty Archery. I would like to thank Hoyt USA for making great compound and recurve bows.

USAA: What are your compound and recurve setups?

Compound: 60# Hoyt UltraTec XT3000 Cam 1½, Easton X-10 500 Spin Wings, SureLoc Supreme, Specialty Super Scope 6X, Doinker² Stabilizer,

Recurve: 44# Hoyt Avalon+ and FX Limbs, Easton ACE 570, SureLoc FITA Extreme

She is also on the 2009 National Team for Archery, Recurve Bow:

The 2009 Senior USAT Team includes:

Recurve

Men       Women

Dan Schuller – Mercer, PA   Karen Scavotto – Enfield, CT

Joe McGlyn – Floral Park, NY  Erin Mickelberry – Bothell, WA

Jason McKittrick – Holton, IN  Stephanie Miller – Naperville, IL

Dakota Sinclair – Ridgecrest, CA  Lori Cieslinski – Howell, MI

Ted Holland – Westminster, CO  Kendra Harvey – Rio Rancho, NM

Jake Kaminski – Edgewater, FL  Erika “Aya” Eiffel – Suisun, CA

Timm Hines – Kent, WA   Amanda Nichols – Cheyenne, WY

Tyler Domenech – Holtwood, PA  *Jennifer Nichols – Cheyenne, WY

*Vic Wunderle – Mason City, IL  *Khatuna Lorig – Los Angeles, CA

Here are some more newspaper articles you can check out:

Woman with objects fetish marries Eiffel Tower

Erika La Tour Eiffel, 37, a former soldier who lives in San Francisco, has been in love with objects before. Her first infatuation was with Lance, a bow that helped her to become a world-class archer, she is fond of the Berlin Wall and she claims to have a physical relationship with a piece of fence she keeps in her bedroom.

But it is the Eiffel Tower she has pledged to love, honour and obey in an intimate ceremony attended by a handful of friends.

She has changed her name legally to reflect the bond.

Before returning to Paris for her first wedding anniversary, Mrs La Tour Eiffel visits the Berlin Wall, where her affection for what many Germans see as a symbol of repression leads to an uncomfortable encounter with a member of the staff at the Checkpoint Charlie museum.

She explained that she feels an affinity with the wall: “I am the Berlin Wall. Hate me, try to break me apart, but I will still be here, standing.”

‘I married the Eiffel Tower’

Imagine a world in which people seem hostile while inanimate objects appear friendly – even affectionate. Imagine dreading the touch of another human but longing for a passionate encounter with a large public structure. This is the strange world of the “objectum sexual”– a group of people, mainly women, whose intimate lives revolve around objects with which they say they share romantic and sexual love.

As a documentary film-maker passionate about exploring psychological aspects of human nature, I have made films about bigamists, domestic violence and co-dependent anorexic twins. Modern society is a never-ending source of these stories. It is still exceptional for a father to lock up his daughter for 24 years in a cellar, but scratch the surface and it seems that good personal relationships are rare. To fill their emotional needs, people are increasingly turning to a variety of substitutes: from internet virtual reality and food to… well, objects.

On first meeting, Erika La Tour Eiffel appears extraordinarily ordinary. An ex-US Army soldier, the 36-year-old lives in San Francisco. She is also a former world champion in archery – propelled to success, she believes, by her love for Lance, a bow. She now claims to be married to the Eiffel Tower, following a ceremony with friends last year in Paris, at which she promised eternal love to the iron monument and changed her name legally to reflect the bond. “There is a huge problem with being in love with a public object,” she says sadly. “The issue of intimacy – or rather lack of it – is forever present.”

She is currently married to the Berlin Mauer, which is why her name has changed to Erika Mauer.

My CEO, Mark Harrison, downloaded and installed a new 3D virtual world called Twinity, based in Berlin, that will recreate the world’s coolest cities, starting with Berlin.  Mark loves Berlin more than anything, so he tried exploring his #1 home from his #2 home, Mauritius, and here is his story, as reported in an email to his Berlin posse, I think I committed suicide in Twinity:

Mark Harrison – Mauritius – 22 February 2008, 14:05 — After over a week of trying – endless module and update loading, and countless crashes -  I finally got logged into Twinity.com, a 3D virtual world, a la Second Life, but set in renderings of real cities.  The first of these Twinity cities is Berlin, my favorite city in the world, and my summertime home (and apparently the best-mapped city in the world, as well as the home to Twinity’s headquarters).

I was incarnated as a completely physically average white guy in his late 30′s – quite accurate in many respects except for the color and quantity of hair, and the hue of my eyes.  The statistically average white guy, even in Germany – counter to stereotypes – has brown hair and brown eyes.  Average Guy Mark was dropped into existence at Hackischer Markt, which is a good place to come into the world, since it is essentially the center of the universe, if your universe consists of only Berlin, you are a wired hipster type, and you are a provincial just arrived in this big, big city and instantly lose your bearings if you can’t see the TV tower on Alexanderplatz.

I decided to walk home – to my apartment in Moabit – and take the path along the Spree river that I take on almost a daily basis in my real-life Berlin when I am there.  I walked over to Monbijou park (eventually figuring out how to run by holding down the shift key, which reduced my impatience a bit), bouncing off a few trees, but successfully oozing straight through a pissoir.  I walked over to the railing at the edge of the river, looked around, then took one more step.  To my surprise, I found can walk through railings just as effectively as I can walk through pissoirs.

I fell a couple meters and found myself standing knee-deep in the Spree – not very realistic at that point in the Spree, considering that it’s a major shipping channel, but convenient for me as an avatar in the river.  I could still walk.

I walked along the river a bit, thinking I could perhaps just walk all the way home in the river, maybe climbing up one of the stone staircases I knew should be coming up along the way, if Twinity’s mapping of Berlin is indeed that comprehensive.  After a few steps I came to what I assume was the end of the universe… a wall of beige halfway through Monbijou Park, cutting across the river, and t-ing into the riverside wall of the Boda Museum.  The end-of-the-universe wall was insurmountable, as was the vertical, stone wall bank of the river.  I didn’t really want to spend the rest of my virtual life knee-deep in a fetid central European river, so I hit the “map” button, assuming that there could well be a way to fly, or teleport or something like in Second Life.

This hubris clearly angered the gods.  I guess I should have accepted my humaness and walked back up the river looking for a ladder or something rather than thinking I might game the laws of the universe and escape the limitations of my corporal form.  My world was wiped from existence with a cold Windows dialog box announcing that Twinity was no longer responding to anything I might ask it to do.  Then Vista went looking for Answers as to the Reason for this caprice of the gods, and unfortunately came back, giving me only more questions.  Quite realistic, that part of Twinity.

A restart of the program, and a surprisingly quick login process later (considering logging in took me a week of trying and failing, then a good 10 minutes when it finally worked today), I was again granted a view of my Twinity existence.

I think I am dead.

I have only a setting sun in a golden sky, adorned with a few evening clouds and the pregnant belly of a pale, twilight three-quarter moon.  I have a 360 degree view of my heavens, and when I spin on my axis – my only remaining mobility in my gentle, but solitary, god-forsaken purgatory – the clouds tremble as if in silent horror at the eternity of loneliness I have been damned to by my unforgivable, cardinal sin of suicide (is self-murder through clumsiness officially suicide?  Anyone know a theologian?) in the murky virtual waters of my beloved Berlin.

Life is so short.  So meaningless.  So incomprehensible.

Mark Harrison
Born: February 22nd, 2009 18:52 Berlin, Germany
Died: February 22nd, 2009 19:04 Berlin, Germany
“Well, there’s always LinkedIn.”

Othersource in Poland partnered with McKinney ad agency to build a Flash 3D engine with artificial intelligence for the McKinney website that’s launching this week.

Compared to other sites in the Semantics category, this one has an unusual level of interactivity. Users can ask the site questions, via the keyboard, using everyday language and expressions, and the proprietary “conversation engine” will decipher them and then fetch relevant results.

This means the user becomes liberated from the navigation. You no longer need background information to search the site – you just ask it a question.

Also, the site is completely index-able, bookmark-able, etc… from every page – even the video thumbnails have a unique URL. And every single page is a printable PDF, laid out for A4 or newsletter.I also found a nice blog post about it over at AdLab, Agency Site With a Chat Bot:

McKinney has built a Pandorabot-based chat bot (aka “conversation engine”) into its brand new site with a somewhat trippy interface. See if you can catch answers that were pre-scripted to make the machine sound particularly intelligent as opposed to the generic chat bot cop-outs like “Say what?” or “Come again”. – thank you, Michelle

Here’s the proper press release from McKinney.com:

McKinney.com – A Website You Can Talk To

Warsaw, Poland (February 10th, 2009) — Warsaw-based interactive agency Othersource announced today the launch of McKinney.com, a groundbreaking website created in partnership with the awardwinning advertising agency, in Durham, N.C.

Conversations with a website
Using cutting edge technologies, the new McKinney.com is reinventing the conversation had between the ad agency and its audience. Compared to other sites in the Semantics category, the site possesses an unusual level of interactivity. Visitors are able to ask the site questions, via the keyboard, using everyday language and expressions, and the proprietary “conversation engine” will decipher them and then fetch relevant results.

The functionality is groundbreaking. The back-end employs a 3D Flash engine with artificial intelligence, and the interface design is cutting-edge, making it one of the most experiential and unconstrained agency sites on the Web.

Unique tech mix
Othersource worked with linguists who understood, on a high-level, the structure of language. They also enlisted programmers familiar with semantics to help develop the sophisticated algorithm. “Creating the conversation engine’s ‘brain’ was quite labor intensive,” said Othersource Managing Partner Thomas Krotkiewski. “We enlisted two linguists (one a PhD from the University of Oxford), to analyze questions provided by McKinney, and to supply us with all possible ways the questions could be posed. If this search method fails, a backup proprietary tag search function will launch and search matching content. And finally, if the answer is still thought to be inadequate, the question is forwarded to McKinney for human processing. To be sure the conversation engine learns from its mistakes, there is a conversation history log on the proprietary Content Management System. This level of integration between conversation engine and website is completely unique,”

“We were looking for a production partner who would not only bring our vision to life, but enhance it,” added Keith Ciampa, who served as McKinney’s interactive creative director on the project. “Most true innovation happens on the fringes of the industry, by people who are passionate about what they do and willing to take risks. When we explained our vision for a conversational site, based on a completely open architecture, which could grow and become smarter the more it was used, Othersource knew we were asking for something that had never been done, and they couldn’t have been more excited to help us figure it out.”

Conversation-driven search
A proprietary tag search was built into the back end of the new site so search results can be presented dynamically, and not just direct visitors to a static page. For example, a visitor can ask a question like, “show me TV campaigns for client X from November last year” and an animated 3D tunnel will appear, with search results as moving thumbnail images, that the visitor can fly through. “As far as we can tell, this functionality is unique,” said Krotkiewski.

Like gas molecules
The site has an advanced 3D graphical interface. “The key to the 3D interface is the ‘cloud view,’ which shows a cloud of graphical thumbnails, moving like molecules in a gas, bouncing randomly off each other while also reacting to mouse input. The cloud can be filtered by the visitor to only show thumbnails representing certain types of content,” said Martin Ignaczak, Account Director at Othersource.

Flash without drawbacks
The site has overcome the limitations of Flash: “The site is fully searchable by Google, each page can bookmarked and linked to, and each view can be downloaded as a printable PDF,” continued Ignaczak. Working in the virtual

New technologies were key to organizing the project. Othersource used video-conferencing, VoIP, instant messaging, e-mails, and other electronic means of communication to coordinate the work with McKinney. “We only met face-to-face after the launch, which proves we are able to run even very complex projects completely in the virtual,” added Krotkiewski.

“We are honored by McKinney’s decision to partner with Othersource for the production — we were competing with some quite well-known US interactive agencies in the pitch. Being chosen in spite of being based overseas is quite a feat. We hope this project is the beginning of a long relationship with McKinney. We also expect it will generate more opportunities for us in the US overall,” said Krotkiewski.

“Partnering with Othersource on this project was both a rewarding and challenging experience,” said McKinney Interactive Technology Director Trevor O’Brien. “The biggest hurdle was taking existing technologies and customizing them to work together in ways they were not initially intended to. Othersource helped deliver a site that is an experiential and innovative place to interact online. It’s exciting to see what two like-minded teams can create together.”

About Othersource
Othersource provides interactive services from strategy to production to companies around the world. In 2008, the agency participated in projects for companies such as MetLife, The National Constitution Center in Boston, Accenture Poland, Puma, Imation Europe and others, in Poland, Sweden, Holland, the UK and the USA. The majority of its clients are Advertising and Interactive agencies that need support in creating campaign strategies, creative concepts and interactive production for their clients. About McKinney McKinney is an independent advertising agency that’s focused on reinventing the conversation between people and brands. Our goal is to lead the convergence of offline and online (today, 35% of our revenue is interactive and 88% of our frontline staff is actively engaged in the digital space), to identify relevant applications for new technologies and to deliver game-changing ideas that deliver extraordinary results for our clients, their customers and our people.

Founded in 1969, the Durham, NC-based agency’s clients include Coldwell Banker, Gold’s Gym, Major League Gaming, The NASDAQ Stock Market, Partnership for a Drug-Free America, ProShares, Qwest Communications, Sherwin-Williams, Travelocity, Virgin Mobile USA, Virgin Atlantic Airways, and Brown- Forman Corporation brands Bonterra, Chambord, Sonoma-Cutrer, Southern Comfort and Tuaca.

Most recently, Virgin Atlantic Airways and McKinney took top honors at the Interactive Advertising Bureau’s MIXX Awards that celebrate the “mixx” of creativity and effectiveness in digital marketing. Virgin Atlantic’s experiential launch, “Love from Above,” won a Gold MIXX in the Mobile Platforms category for the company’s first-ever WAP site.

For more information, visit our website at www.mckinney.com or the McKinney Newsroom by contacting Janet Northen at janet.northen@mckinney.com.

Additional information:
Thomas Krotkiewski
Managing Partner
Othersource
+48-601-145398
thomas@othersource.com
Timezone: GMT+1
Janet Northen
Partner & EVP, Director of Agency Communications

Janet Northen
Partner & EVP, Director of Agency Communications
McKinney
+1 919.313.4062
janet.northen@mckinney.com

When I wrote my scathing response to the Whopper Virgins campaign as perpetrated by Burger King over on Ad Age’s Global Idea Network, Ian Lurie responded with Whopper Virgins: Not Appalling. Not Brilliant, Either.

Whopper Virgins: Not Appalling. Not Brilliant, Either

Chris Abraham over at Marketing Conversations wrote an thoughtful critique of Burger King’s new Whopper Virgins campaign.

I appreciate Chris’s opinion: The video is at times jingoistic and, frankly, a little embarrassing if you’re an American. Burger King went out of their way to find people in local clothing minutes from major urban centers in Europe. How exactly did they do that? Much of the video is just more ugly Americans pointing and giggling at the rest of the world.

I also see Burger King’s thinking: This is a great viral piece. The effort alone – flying a broiler all around the world to cook burgers, for gosh sakes – is worthy of a documentary.

So, is the Whopper Virgins campaign ‘good’ marketing? Marketing should:

• Help the target audience make informed decisions about products. Nothing about this video does that. Nothing tells me why I’d want a Whopper.
• It should not make the target brand look foolish. Burger King ends up looking (in my opinion) a tad silly. They spent who-knows-how-much money to shoot this. Could they have better spent the money on other aspects of marketing? Or on their product? Also, “Whopper Virgins? Are you kidding me?
• Make me want the product. This video utterly fails to do that. Granted, I’m a classic middle-class liberal. So I have no sense of humor. But I’m also an avid fast food consumer. This video makes me want Wendy’s.
• Take risks. Good marketers take chances now and then. Nothing wrong with that. And this video clearly takes a gamble.
• It should generate buzz. It’s certainly done that, with headlines like “Socially Awkward” and “Just Bad Taste?”.

I don’t think this video deserves the controversy it’s generated. You could interpret it as offensive. But would you consider it as offensive if the video had been done by National Geographic? Probably not.

But it’s not good marketing, either. It’s an art project: A huge investment of dollars in something that probably won’t pay off, in spite of the kerfuffle right now.

How many burgers do you have to sell to pay for that rental helicopter, I wonder?

I love barbecuing and really miss my fly pad in Berlin mostly because of the garden and the grill. That said, here’s an excellent piece of advice from the gang at Lifehacker — how to clean your nasty-assed charred up grill grate (via Clean the Grill with an Onion?)

Wipe your grill clean without the chemical waste by rubbing an onion against the grate of the grill. The Apartment Therapy blog explains that scrubbing a halved onion faced downwards on a heated grate will remove the grime and grit without requiring the hard and frustrating scrubbing of a Brillo pad. Plus, it’s an affordable green alternative that won’t cause putrid smells like most chemicals do. That is, as long as you like the smell of onions.

One great thing about owning a Social Media PR firm is that I get to do cool stuff. Another great thing is that I can bogart some of the stuff. Well, I am number-one box of the Life Changing Box, which you can see over on my Facebook Profile! (Please feel free to add me) I will be holding onto the box for a full eight hours today, so feel free to “touch my box.” You know you want to — and you don’t have to go “through” me — feel free to just join up yourself directly! I have a feeling that you can add the app to your Facebook Pages as well — check it out! Long story short:

The game launched at 10AM today, June 12th. Prizes include 52″ flat screen televisions, exclusive tickets to sporting events, international trips, home theater systems — 20 prizes in all — with values ranging from $400 to $14,000. There are two of everything so everyone who wins a prize wins its twin for the person who invited him or her. Lowe’s client doesn’t want to be revealed just yet, so please plug some words into the query box on the teaser site, LifeChangingBox.com.

Please enjoy this handy widget you can come back to again and again to watch the current course of the 10 boxes as they move around, awaiting to be touched by you!

Life Changing Box Facebook Game Launches!

• The promise of the extraordinary
• The surprise of something new
• The power to bring change
• It all starts here!
  • The Box: www.lifechangingbox.com
  • The Game: apps.facebook.com/lifechangingbox

The Life Changing Box game is a Facebook application believed to be the first of its kind…A contest with BIG PRIZES – many worth thousands of dollars!

Quick Links: News Facts | About Life Changing Box Facebook App | Screen Captures | About LifeChangingBox.com | About Lowe Worldwide | About Abraham Harrison | Contacts | Social Media | Tags

News Facts

• Life Changing Box the game is an application for Facebook which resembles Hot Potato in reverse. In our case, the “potato” is a box and inside each box is a prize. The goal of the game is to be in possession of the box when it opens, thus winning the prize. Part of the fun of Facebook is the option to invite your friends to install an application you enjoy. We encourage you to do so with a creative twist. If someone you invited into the game wins a prize, you win the exact same prize!
• There are 10 boxes total in the game. The currency the game uses to allow players to take possession of the box is called a “Touch”. Players get 24 “Touches” per day. Each “Touch” enters the player into a Round. At the beginning of each Round, the box will randomly jump to one of the players that entered that Round. A Round lasts between 30 minutes and 8 hours, randomly decided by the application. If the box didn’t open that Round, a new Round will begin and everyone must “Touch” the box again to participate.
• Since there are 10 boxes, 24 Touches, and up to 48 rounds per day, players will have to strategize their Touches in order to maximize their chance to win. This creates engaging and addictive play
• Click here to go to the Life Changing Box Facebook application page

About Life Changing Box Facebook App

LCB is a lottery-style game based around 10 boxes that open to give prizes to whomever is in possession of them.

Enter to Win

To get possession of a box you go to its application page and “touch” the box. Whoever touches the box first is in possession of it. Email and other contact info must be entered in case you win. The pic and name of the holder appears next to the box on the app page.

Gameplay

The game play is based around timed rounds where a box either opens to reveal a prize or jumps to another player’s page.

If you have touched the box you are in for that timed round only.

If someone else is in possession of the box for that round, your touch means that you are eligible to get the box only if it doesn’t reveal a prize on that round.

Then you are in a pool of people that the box will randomly jump to.

Strategy

All 10 boxes appear at the same time but they open sequentially over a four-week period. Nobody knows when they open, or how many rounds of “touching” there will be until they do so you get a limited number of “touches” per box to use at your discretion. You choose if you want to sit out a round and save your touches. If someone else wins and you have touches, you can roll them over into another game. If you invite a friend to the application and they win, you win a duplicate prize.

• There are 10 boxes total in the game
• To gain possession of a box, users use a currency called a Touch
• All players get 24 “Touches” per day
• Each Touch enters the player into a Round
• At the beginning of each Round, the box will randomly jump to one of the players who entered that Round
• The player given the box holds it for the entirety of the Round, which lasts between 30 minutes and 8 hours, randomly decided by the application
• If the box doesn’t open in a Round for the player, a new Round will begin and everyone must Touch the box again to participate
• 20 prizes will be awarded with values ranging from $400 to $14,000
• If you invite a friend to the application and they win, you win a duplicate prize
• Click here for the rules and regulations

Screen Captures

(click on thumbnail to view full-sized image)

About LifeChangingBox.com

• The Life Changing Box is part of a marketing strategy developed to promote a new campaign from Lowe New York. The client sponsoring the application will be revealed as the game progresses
• LifeChangingBox.com is a mysterious website designed to intrigue users and let them guess what is inside this “Life Changing Box.” This first of its kind contest will run for one month starting on June 12th, 2008
• Shhhhh! Try these words in the search bar (but don’t tell anyone!):
  japan, takumi, komayama, baseball, mlb, sports, world series, home run, diamond, catch, hit, bat, swing, glove, catcher, short-stop, hitter, batter, grand slam, bases, loaded bases, stadium, major league, pro, professional, pastime, Pennant, uniform, outfield, out, fly ball, foul, umpire, fans, seats, tickets, dugout, couch, run, score, safe, call, official, play, slide, signal, contract, stealing, cleats, walk, pop-up, heckler, fanatic, stats, cards, card, mitt, bullpen, inning, infield, color, crystal, HDTV, light, molecules, contrast, hertz, refresh rate, pixels, resolution, high def, high definition, home theater, remote control, display, flatscreen, big screen, picture, image, clarity, brilliance, transmit, transmission, spectrum, 108 inch, portal, window, viewing, friendly, sun, solar panel, energy, efficiency, carbon footprint, ecosystem, ecology, save the environment, nature, natural, earth, planet, light, air, water, animals, birds, clean, renewable, grid, power, future, tomorrow, responsible, generate, generation, sustainable, mother earth, habitat, species, food chain, change, harmony, low emissions, summer, spring, kitten, life, movies, film, action, comedy, romance, chick flick, hollywood, horror, terror, stars, celebrity, sitcom, documentary, channel, surfing, classics, script, dialogue, cinema, art, expression, acting, show, shows, commercials, soundtrack, theater, news, cartoons, prime time, ratings, re-runs, director, genre, audience, flick, blockbuster, live, on air, season, video game, theater, game, calculator, pencil, mechanical pencil, japanese, scientist, factory, technician, engineer, invention, inventor, innovator, innovation, leader, first, company, brand, pioneer, legacy, technology, electronic, electronics, advancement, vision

About Lowe Worldwide

Lowe Worldwide is an interconnected global community of marketing agencies. Its client roster includes Unilever, Saab, Johnson & Johnson, Nestle and Stella Artois. The agency is founded on the belief that the greatest service it can render its clients is High Value Ideas coupled with Problem Biased Thinking. Lowe is a member of Interpublic Group (NYSE:IPG), one of the world’s leading organizations of advertising agencies and marketing services companies.

Lowe New York is one of the cornerstones of Lowe Worldwide with a client roster including Milk, Perdue, XM, Sharp and more. www.loweny.com

About Abraham Harrison LLC

Abraham Harrison understands that the Internet is not just a different advertising medium, it is a different culture with unique customs and protocol. Knowing this culture allows us to translate your unique company message to relevant online communities. This approach drives business your way—our primary and sincere goal. www.ahllc.eu

Contacts For Press Inquiries

Sal Taibi
President, Lowe New York
sal.taibi@loweworldwide.com
(212) 605 8750

Social Media

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Tags

TV, electronics, travel, environment, Japan, baseball, solar, LCD, flat screens, consumer electronics, game, Facebook app, Facebook, Life Changing Box, lifechangingbox.com, Facebook Application, game, hot potato, musical chairs

Here’s the official Press Release from Lowe Worldwide:

Lowe Launches First-of-its-Kind Facebook(R) Application
12/06/2008 – 13:00

Today Lowe Worldwide announces the launch of an industry-leading application on Facebook Platform called The Life Changing Box. The application, developed by Lowe New York for one of the agency’s global clients, is an interactive game giving users a chance to win prizes, some of which are worth thousands of dollars.

The Life Changing Box is part of a marketing strategy developed to promote a new campaign from Lowe New York. The client sponsoring the application will be revealed as the game progresses.

The application on Facebook Platform resembles the classic game Hot Potato, only in reverse. Facebook users who install the game can take possession of a box from another player, which is then passed around to other friends who have installed the The Life Changing Box application. The goal is to be in possession of the box when it opens, thus winning the prize it holds inside.

There are 10 boxes total in the game. To gain possession of a box, users use a currency called a Touch. All players get 24 “Touches” per day. Each Touch enters the player into a Round. At the beginning of each Round, the box will randomly jump to one of the players who entered that Round. The player given the box holds it for the entirety of the Round, which lasts between 30 minutes and 8 hours, randomly decided by the application. If the box doesn’t open in a Round for the player, a new Round will begin and everyone must Touch the box again to participate. 20 prizes will be awarded with values ranging from $400 to $14,000.

“We are excited about this groundbreaking contest we are bringing to Facebook Platform. It is a unique offering that will give users the chance to win actual, tangible, valuable prizes rather than just the virtual trinkets usually found on Facebook,” commented Mark Wnek, Chairman of Lowe New York. “What is really great about this program is that if someone invites a friend to play the game, and their friend wins a prize – they win a duplicate prize. This will add significantly to the viral nature of this program while increasing the level of both awareness and engagement with lifechangingbox.com.”

Since there are 10 boxes, 24 Touches, and up to 48 rounds per day, players will have to strategize their Touches in order to maximize their chance to win. This creates engaging and addictive play. The game will last through July 14, 2008, to coincide with the full launch of lifechangingbox.com.

About Lowe

Lowe Worldwide is an interconnected global community of marketing agencies. Its client roster includes Unilever, Saab, Johnson & Johnson, Nestle and Stella Artois. The agency is founded on the belief that the greatest service it can render its clients is High Value Ideas coupled with Problem Biased Thinking. Lowe is a member of Interpublic Group (NYSE:IPG), one of the world’s leading organizations of advertising agencies and marketing services companies. Lowe New York is one of the cornerstones of Lowe Worldwide with a client roster including Milk, Perdue, XM, Sharp and more. www.loweny.com

Lowe New York
Sal Taibi, 212-605-8750
President

I am a proud Homefry. CC Chapman is a visionary and a brilliant social media maven. He is also a friend of mine and a fine marketing professional. He actually made me jealous that I was not as SXSW and he makes the nicest Social Media News Releases in the business (none call it jealousy). Well, since I totally missed out the last time, at SXSW, I am keen to see whether I will be in the US — and close to Pittsburgh — so that I can make it to the American Eagle New American Music Union music festival. AE is the sexy-as-hell client of CC’s social media PR and marketing firm, The Advance Guard. Yes, I shouldn’t be pimping TAG, right, because they’re our competition, you might say, right? Well, that’s not how Social Media works! CC and I are not even frenemies, we’re mates. One’s responsibility is to be the guarantor of your friends’ success. Actually, August 8 and 9 might work for me because I need to be at a wedding in San Diego on August 16th, so I am sure I can come back early to make the The New American Music Union!

American Eagle Outfitters Announces Summer Music Festival Hosted by Anthony Kiedis of Red Hot Chili Peppers.

New American Music Union™ Lineup Celebrates College Music by Featuring Legendary Artists
Bob Dylan and His Band, The Raconteurs, Gnarls Barkley, The Roots, Spoon and the Black Keys
with 15 of the Country’s Most Promising College Bands.

Read the full press release

May 15, 2008

News Facts

• American Eagle Outfitters, Inc. (NYSE: AEO) today announced its plans for a two-day summer music festival in Pittsburgh, PA this August 8 and 9. The lineup includes some of today’s top artists on the main stage, as well as fifteen of the country’s best college bands on the second stage.
• Tickets go on sale Friday, May 16 at 10 a.m. EST via Livenation and TicketMaster. Student tickets are an affordable $25. General admission tickets are $49.50. The New American Music Union is produced in partnership with Live Nation.
• The college band performances will be judged by music industry influencers, journalists and fellow musicians. The winning college band will receive a full-day recording session in a top Los Angeles recording studio valued at $10,000. American Eagle will support the winning college band by promoting its recording on www.ae.com and in AE stores across the country.
• The New American Music Union will take place in Pittsburgh’s historic SouthSide Works, which was home to glass factories, steel and iron mills in the 1800s. Today, the area features an eclectic mix of residential neighborhoods, restaurants, shops and businesses, including the headquarters of American Eagle Outfitters, Inc. The Pittsburgh region is also home to more than 30 colleges and universities and more than 100,000 students.



View Larger Map

Main Stage Line-up

• Bob Dylan and His Band site
• The Raconteurs site
• The Roots site
• Gnarls Barkley site
• Spoon site
• The Black Keys site
• Tiny Masters of Today site
• NASA site
• Black Mountain site
• The Duke Spirit site
• (plus more to come)

All acts subject to change

Second Stage Line-up

• Bears – Kent State U – Kent, Ohio myspace
• The Company Kang – Whitman College – Walla Walla, WA myspace
• The Black Fortys – U of Southern Illinois – Carbondale, IL myspace
• The Depreciation Guild – NYU – NYC myspace
• The French Horn Rebellion – Northwestern U – Milwaukee, WI myspace
• Magic Bullets – College of San Mateo– Berkeley, CA myspace
• The Delicious – Indiana U – Bloomington, IN myspace
• Elizabethan Report – BYU – Provo, UT myspace
• Nothing Unexpected – Robert Morris U – Pitt, PA myspace
• The Royal Bangs – U of Tennessee – Knoxville, TN myspace
• The Steps – U of Texas – Austin, TX myspace
• Gospel Gossip – Carleton College – Northfield, MN myspace
• Math the Band – U of Mass Dartmouth, Dartmouth, MA myspace
• Flying Machines – The New School – New York City, NY myspace
• My Dear Disco – U of Michigan – Ann Arbor, MI myspace

All acts subject to change

Quotes

Attributed to Anthony Kiedis, Red Hot Chili Peppers:

“If you could go to any concert in the world, what would it be? My experience tells me that concerts can be life changing. That is how I approached putting this lineup together. The thrill of seeing Bob Dylan next to The Raconteurs next to Gnarls Barkley next to The Roots is reason for us all to celebrate. Music is still the most inspiring creative force that I know of and this seemed like a prime opportunity to let it shine. Add to this the fact of a generously low ticket price and that it all takes place in the streets of Pittsburgh and we have the most rocking block party of the summer.”

Attributed to Kathy Savitt, executive vice president and chief marketing officer, American Eagle Outfitters:

“Music is a defining influence in our customers’ lives. We’re excited to offer AE customers the opportunity to see today’s best musicians—both professionals and college acts—at a price that’s unheard of for a summer festival of this caliber.”

About American Eagle Outfitters

American Eagle Outfitters designs, markets and sells its own brand of laidback, current clothing targeting 15 to 25 year-olds, providing high-quality merchandise at affordable prices. The original collection includes standards like jeans and graphic Ts as well as essentials like accessories, outerwear, footwear, basics and swimwear. American Eagle currently operates 868 stores in 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico, and 75 AE stores in Canada. The American Eagle® brand also includes a Dormwear® collection, aerie™, which is available in 62 standalone stores, American Eagle stores and at aerie.com. 77E™, a new multi-channel entertainment platform, features original and user-generated content on ae.com, in AE stores, on television, and on Web sites such as Youtube, MySpace and Facebook. For more information, visit www.ae.com.

MARTIN + OSA™, a concept targeting 28 to 40 year-old women and men, offers Refined Casual™ clothing and accessories, designed to be valuable, irresistible, inspiring, authentic and adventurous. MARTIN + OSA currently operates 22 stores. For additional information and updates, visit www.martinandosa.com.

The company plans to launch a children’s apparel brand, 77kids by american eagle™, offering on-trend, high-quality clothing and accessories for kids age two to 10. The 77kids™ line will debut online at www.77kids.com during Fiscal 2008, with brick-and-mortar stores in the U.S. planned for 2010.

For more information about American Eagle Outfitters, please visit our website at www.ae.com

Multimedia

• New American Music Union Flickr Set

• American Eagle Outfitters’ Facebook Page

• American Eagle Outfitters’ Myspace Page

• http://del.icio.us/AEMusicFest

Contact Info

American Eagle Outfitters, Inc.:

Suggested Technorati Tags

Music | Concert | Music Festival | American Eagle | Facebook

This just in over the news wire, just in time for me to become a resident of Berlin, is news that the “open-skies agreement” will make it easier, cheaper, and simpler for me to share my time between Germany and the United States; Berlin and DC! Via NY Times

AIR travel to Europe is about to undergo a significant change, one that is likely to spell more choices and cheaper fares for travelers.

On March 30, the so-called open-skies agreement goes into effect, allowing airlines based in the United States and Europe to fly across the Atlantic between any two airports in each region. Before the pact, trans-Atlantic flights were governed by separate agreements between the United States and individual European nations. The pacts required airlines to take off or land in their native countries, and limited which airlines could serve certain airports.

For example, British Airways flights bound for the United States had to originate in Britain. And only two United States carriers were permitted to land at Heathrow Airport, near London: American and United.

When the open-skies agreement kicks in next week, those restrictions will be lifted, essentially letting the open market dictate all trans-Atlantic routes between the United States and Europe. For instance, Continental, Delta and Northwest will be able to serve Heathrow for the first time.

This year, San Francisco, Orlando and Washington all received their first scheduled nonstop flights to Dublin on Aer Lingus under a related transitionary arrangement. And Michael O’Leary, chief executive of Ryanair, the Irish no-frills carrier, has said he plans to start a new airline that will fly from secondary European markets like Liverpool or Birmingham to a half-dozen American cities like Baltimore or Providence, R.I., for a base fare as low as 10 euros, or about $16 at $1.59 to the euro.

“We don’t even begin to get a glimmer of the possibilities of open-market competition yet,” said Jerry Chandler, who writes Cheapflights.com’s travel blog and has been tracking the new open-skies flights. “There could be a lot of flourishing of routes in markets that currently don’t exist, especially from smaller U.S. cities to European hubs.”

The new pact is expected to be game-changing for Europe-bound travel. More routes are expected to open, and prices could fall thanks to the new competition. The agreement is also likely to encourage European carriers to compete more aggressively with one another across the Continent. Lufthansa, the German airline, for example, could set up a hub in Paris; or Air France could set up a hub in Frankfurt.

So far, though, most United States airlines are simply looking to open service to Heathrow — a strategic hub that offers connecting flights not just across Europe, but to the Middle East, Africa and Asia, too. Flights from the United States to Heathrow are expected to increase 31 percent, to 2,932 flights in July from 2,233 this month, according to OAG Back Aviation Solutions.

Northwest plans to add daily service later this year to Heathrow from Detroit, Minneapolis and Seattle. Beginning on March 29, the New York area will get four new flights a day to Heathrow: two from Continental out of Newark and two from Delta out of Kennedy Airport. Travelers in Atlanta will have a new direct flight to Heathrow aboard Delta (as opposed to connecting through Chicago or some other city), as will travelers out of Dallas-Forth Worth and Raleigh-Durham — both aboard American by March 30.

European carriers like KLM Royal Dutch Airlines are also getting into the act with new service between Dallas-Fort Worth and Heathrow. Likewise, Air France will begin operating a daily flight between Los Angeles and Heathrow on March 30.

For many travelers, a direct flight to Heathrow is long overdue. For instance, there are currently no nonstop flights between Dallas-Fort Worth and Heathrow, forcing many passengers to land at other London airports — like Gatwick or Luton — even if they have a connecting flight to catch in Heathrow. “It has been an absolute nightmare,” said Terry Denton, president of Main Street Travel, a Carlson Wagonlit agency in Forth Worth that specializes in missionary trips to Africa and elsewhere that usually require a connection through Heathrow.

Getting from Gatwick to Heathrow involves hauling luggage through passport control, taking a bus or cab across town and going through check-in and security anew — a process that could take three hours. The new routes will allow travelers to bypass that ordeal.

It’s not just Heathrow, however, that’s getting new service. British Airways is planning a subsidiary called OpenSkies that will skip London altogether, beginning with Brussels-New York and Paris-New York service as early as June. And some airlines, anticipating increased competition, are expanding their trans-Atlantic networks. Delta will begin flying from Kennedy Airport to Paris Orly on June 2, cutting out a three-hour-plus layover in Madrid, Nice or elsewhere.

KLM will start a daily flight between Dallas-Fort Worth and Amsterdam on March 30. Previously, Dallas passengers had to change planes in Memphis, New York or another city before arriving in Amsterdam. The new flight will cut at least two hours off the total flight time.

Besides saving time, the new competition should put pressure on airlines to reduce fares. A 2002 study by the Brattle Group, a consulting firm, estimated that an open-skies agreement between the United States and the European Union would generate a 10 percent increase in passenger traffic in formerly restricted markets, which could reduce fares 4 to 10 percent.

Routes to watch include Denver-Heathrow and Seattle-Heathrow, which were previously served by only one nonstop carrier: British Airways. But thanks to the open skies agreement, United will begin flying between Denver and Heathrow on March 30, with introductory fares starting at $570 round trip for travel before May 15. British Airways, by contrast, has been offering that same route for $1,461, according to an online search.

And Northwest Airlines will start flying between Seattle and Heathrow on June 1, with fares for $1,288, compared with $1,302 on British Airways, based on a recent online search.

But don’t expect a full-on fare war just yet. With the price of fuel so high, pricing on trans-Atlantic travel has been “pretty brutal,” said Rick Seaney, the chief executive of FareCompare.com. “Base prices are at an all-time low, but fuel surcharges are up.”

OK, in honor of the passing of Gary Gygax, the creator of Dungeons & Dragons, I am coming out. I, Chris Abraham, played D&D from 6th grade until I was in 9th grade, although it might have been longer. I was a Dungeon Master, I held games at my house, I owned all the books and spent long evenings with graph paper and a pencil, designing pre-Internet virtual worlds. I owned many many multi-sided dice. The first BASIC program I made with my IBM AT was a program to roll characters and also roll dice. When we tired of D&D and joined JROTC, we moved on to a game called RECON, but it wasn’t the same. Nor was Wizardy or Adventure, two early attempts to replicate D&D on the computer and on early minicomputers and archaic networks. Why am I waxing nostalgic? Well, Gary Gygax passed away and I want to come out and be proud that I, Chris Abraham, am an alumnus of Dungeons and Dragons. Here’s an amazing remembrance from the LA Times:

Fond memories of the ‘Dungeon’
Remembering his days as a part of the game cult created by Gary Gygax.
March 7, 2008

Iwas so young when I started playing “Dungeons & Dragons” that I assumed Gary Gygax, the game’s creator, wasn’t real — just as I figured there’d never been a Walt Disney or burger chefs named McDonald. When I finally realized Gygax indeed lived in Lake Geneva, Wis., near the post office box address listed on every “D&D” book, I pictured him in a mansion filled with piles of gold and women in metal bikinis. More insane, I deeply believed these outfits would be practical for swimming.

But when Gygax, who conducted a weekly game up until the end, died on Tuesday, he was not rich, despite my best efforts from fourth through eighth grade. And in part, I realize, that is my fault. Because unlike the paunchy, white-ponytailed Gygax, who was not afraid to let his geek flag fly, I have spent the last 20 years avoiding “D&D” because I was ashamed. Gygax influenced my childhood more than any writer, filmmaker or teacher, and I turned my back on him. I am a traitor to my people. Luckily, they are among the few peoples I can beat up.

Sure, I talk about “D&D” a lot, but it’s with defensive self-mockery, as if my nerdishness was some larva stage that I had cocooned out of. Into a butterfly of “Shaft”-like smoothness. That’s what a few TV appearances will fool you into thinking.

But this week, I had my old “D&D” books sent to me, and proudly put them on my bookshelves. Paging through them, I realized they are the best books I own: detailed, weird, creative, smart, funny — encyclopedic lists of rules for spells, monsters, gods, weapons, trade and career advancement. “D&D” exceeded any single mythology; it embraced Camelot’s knights, Dante’s devils, dinosaurs and the Yeti. And I still think the line-drawing of the succubus is totally hot.

But reclaiming my “D&D” pride is not going to be an easy process.

As soon as I started reading Gygax’s fantastical compendiums as a kid, I realized how mundane non-gamers’ lives were. They lived in flat world, where all the dice had only six sides. We had imagination and a leader who never talked down to us, even if he did sound like Yoda. “This work is written as one Dungeon Master equal to another,” Gygax wrote in “The Dungeon Master’s Guide.” “Pronouncements there may be, but they are not from ‘on high’ as respects your game.” My “D&D” friends and I loved his hippie-geek insanity. We were mixing theater with math and debate and other after-school activities that didn’t involve helping people in the community. That was for nerds.

The game allowed you to navigate the mayhem of adolescence through fantasy — perhaps even including the kind that might lead a boy, just for a little while, to play a female character. “That’s cool, right? She’s like a half-elf, like a hot half-elf, just to mix it up. And she’s got spells. And a flagon of mead. In case anyone is interested in that.” Usually, though I was a magic-user. I was such a nerd that my nerd fantasy was simply to be an even bigger nerd.

But the true thrill of the game was that it made you feel smart. You constantly had to consult actuarial tables in the back of the dozens of “D&D” books to determine the results of a battle, convert currency or figure out how many kilograms your character could carry. Everything was documented in such detail that in the event of a nuclear holocaust, Gygax had left survivors a complete guide to replicate society. A society like a Renaissance Faire.

Gygax also expanded my vocabulary, though many of the words meant the same thing. Wench, courtesan, harlot, strumpet — all interesting townspeople a nice preteen Paladin could meet.

The thing is, I didn’t meet many townspeople. Like most “D&D” players, I read the books, learned the rules, created tons of characters, mapped out dungeons, even subscribed to Dragon magazine — but I almost never played the actual game. Because — as I was reminded in 2003 when I played it with Elijah Wood of “Lord of the Rings” — the game itself sucks. It’s slow and silly and entails an endless amount of prodding by the Dungeon Master to force players to step into the traps he spent all weekend devising — but that will, of course, not kill your favorite character because if it did you’d never play with him again.

“Wasn’t someone always saying, ‘No, seriously, guys’ the whole time? … And then someone would get mad,” said Matt Selman, who writes the Nerd World blog for time.com, when we started to reminisce.

Exactly. We didn’t spend our time playing as much as fantasizing about playing in a fantasy world. Which is why “Dungeons & Dragons” is the best game ever invented. I’m pretty sure Gygax knew that. And I bet he knew that someday I’d grow up enough to put his books back on my shelf.

jstein@latimescolumnists.com

Let me first reveal that Abraham Harrison LLC, my employer and my company, is an online reputation management company — online reputation protection, promotion, defensive SEO, domain name strategy, and crisis management. That said, I could not be happier because online reputation management is apparently the new black, at least according to Techdirt, Forget Publicists, All The Cool Kids Have Online Reputation Managers…

It’s been well-documented that Google has become something of the mythical permanent record teachers warned you about as kids. There are plenty of stories about people losing jobs or discovering dubious information about dates using Google. A few years back, services popped up claiming that they could scrub your online record clean — though, how successful such services could be was certainly called into question. However, it appears that those services have morphed into a new, somewhat scary, category called online reputation management. While it’s to be expected that corporations might have people monitoring online reputations, it’s quite another thing to have individuals hire firms to do the same thing.

(Tip of the hat for the article to Scott Burns, via Marketing Conversation)

I have tried to explain defensive SEO to clients on pitches and here are a couple examples and analogies I have used in the past. I promise to come up with better analogies, but this is what I have at the moment!

Rockets on Israeli Settlements

Most of the time, defensive SEO is sort of like cleaning up a crime scene. There is a lot of manual labor involved in that cleaning. It requires pressurized water hoses, clorox, mops, panes of glass, lots of spackle, and some paint. The goal after a crime has been committed, is to return the scene to normalcy — as if nothing happened here.

Unfortunately, during a crisis situation, the crime is ongoing. I compare it to the daily rocket fire from Lebanon and the Gaza Strip falling randomly on Jewish settlements. Bombing of this sort is random and destructive and done not as a targeted attack but is known as “firing for effect,” which is to say as terrorism and a way of unsettling the settlers.

When it is the security and confidence of a community that is at stake and when there is no way to be sure that the attacks are ever over, returning these settlements in a state of destruction is unacceptable. There are Israeli task forces that have the single-minded job of responding to any and all rocket attacks immediately after the emergency responders leave. The trucks are mobile housing contractors. They have the ability to actively and quickly clean up any and all signs of a destructive attack within hours of the event.

All shrapnel pock marks are spackled, all burn marks are painted over, and all broken glass is replaced. While this may just be a futile act, it is essential for this kind of defensive strategy to continue and continue. Why? Well, this is a game of hearts and minds. This is a game of keeping up appearances to make sure that all the settlers feel safe in their every day life, day after day. This perceived safety is better than none at all. The reality of the day-to-day is enough; however, living in a home with broken windows and the pock marks of shrapnel is too close, especially for neighbors and new settlers.

Cleaning up these attacks daily and footing the bill and resources is the cost of doing business. It is a budgeted line-item, equally important to actually finding ways, both diplomatic and military, to stop the attacks some day.

If one were to wait for the attacks to be over, strategically, ignoring the tactical, then those same hearts and minds might very well decide that living in the settlements, living in Israel, or even moving to Israel is an unacceptable decision.

One must never underestimate perception of safety and its power over both settlers, government, citizens, visitors, tourists, and immigrants; same may be said with a company’s or person’s reputation: investors, employees, relationships, opportunities, and families may become insecure enough to abandon ship.

El Al Jumbo Jets Chaffing and Flaring the Skies

Unfortunately, one cannot hide El Al’s new Boeing 777, the world’s largest twinjet, when it takes off and lands. Not yet anyway. The 777 is a sitting target. One cannot do much about it. What can one do? Well, there are several things: you can have sensors that check to see if there are any service-to-air missiles either locked on or inbound — that’s a start. You can also make sure that your pilots have been trained in evasive maneuvers, which, unfortunately, are limited in jumbo jets. At the end of the day, however, you need to just make sure that the jet isn’t accessible to any SAMs.

El Al commercial aircraft are outfitted not with cloaks of invisibility but with “softkill” countermeasures. A countermeasure is a system (usually for a military application) designed to prevent sensor-based weapons from acquiring and/or destroying a target. Softkill measures generally interfere with the signature of the target to be protected. One or more of the following actions may be taken to provide softkill: reduction of the 777′s signature, augmentation of the 777′s signature, and the cloning or imitation of the 777′s signature. These techniques are used to generally prevent lock-on of a threat sensor to the commercial aircraft.

It is based on altering the signature of the target by either concealing the platform signature or enhancing the signature of the background, thus minimizing the contrast between the two. Some of these techniques include IR-decoy flares, serving to counter infrared-guided missiles (SAM), and radar decoys, in the form of chaff.

The Internet is very similar. Search engines are doubly so. It is impossible to stop flying. It is impossible to disappear the aircraft. And, it is impossible to delete, kill, or remove all threats in advance. Even if it is possible in the Internet to have an attack site brought down, it is simple enough to duplicate content, is simple for the attackers to create rally points, regroup, and then attack again. In fact, bringing a site down oftentimes results in redoubled enemy efforts.

Some of the only effective tools one can use to use “softkill countermeasures” — make sure there is enough chaff and there are enough enough flares in the search results so that when someone tries to attack your brand, their attack ends up getting lost on page 5+ of the returns while still allowing friendlies, “passengers,” and clients to easily and safely find their way to you.

How about them apples?