According to an online quiz on Details, “Are Your That Guy,” I am totally that guy: a total douchebag, apparently.

1 You initiate fist bumps.
Yes
No

Someone told me that high-fives are passe so I have replaced them with bumps and regular, manly, handshakes.

2 You order foreign dishes in an accent.
Yes
No

I ask for foreign dishes, yes, properly. If the dish is French then I order it in French and if it is Mexican, I pronounce it in Spanish. And in Germany, I sort of need to order it in German. If you do it right, you don’t really draw much attention to yourself.

3 You shave your head at the first sign of balding.
Yes
No

I would totally either shave my head or crop it close if I started balding.

4 You use any word Stephen Colbert invented.
Yes
No

I use as many words as I can remember if they were coined by Stephen Colbert.

5 You have an elaborate bedtime ritual on planes—with neck pillow, sleep mask, and noise-canceling headphones.
Yes
No

People with sleeping rituals of any kind need to lose their guy card immediately.

6 You have a downloaded ring tone.
Yes
No

I am quite amused with classic, normal, default ringtones; however, I really enjoyed sporting the “bring out your dead” skit from Monty Python.

7 You wave someone along even though they have the right of way.
Yes
No

I think I have forgotten who actually does have right-of-way at 4-way intersections, so if I feel like I arrived a millisecond later than another, I will wave and wave.

8 You say the name of the town where your Ivy League alma mater is located instead of the name of the school.
Yes
No

If I had actually gone to an Ivy League school, I would totally say New Haven or Boston or wherever.

9 You own a Manchester United jersey.
Yes
No

No, I am afraid not. I almost bought a Norwich Canaries jersey but decided not to.

10 You quote Borat, Zoolander, or Anchorman, or reference “TPS reports” and “pieces of flair.”
Yes
No

I don’t have the best memory for these things but I made a Zoolander reference just the other day — a Blue Steel reference.

11 You put your BlackBerry on the table when you sit down at a restaurant.
Yes
No

Yes.  In fact, all of my friends deBerry and dePhone the moment we sit down for food — not to show off but because I always have too much shit in my pockets.

12 You talk baby talk to your girlfriend on your office phone.
Yes
No

I don’t have a girlfriend presently but all indicators point to “yes.”

13 You offer to buy a cigarette from people outside bars.
Yes
No

No, I have too much of a problem with entitlement — I would never offer to buy.

14 You order “off-menu.”
Yes
No

Food isn’t really my bag and restaurant-going isn’t my bag, and I am pretty much omnivorous, so, like a diesel, I can run on anything.

15 You own a reptile.
Yes
No

Spike, God rest your little soul

16 You say “My bad.”
Yes
No

I hate that I say this. My bad.

17 You describe your relationship status by saying “It’s complicated.”
Yes
No

With me, it always is.

18 You say “We’re pregnant.”
Yes
No

I would love to say this — I will totally be that guy, if that guy says, “we’re pregnant.”

19 You have destination-related car stickers like MV, NTK, PVT, HMP, or NPT.
Yes
No

I might actually get myself a vanity plate. I never have, yet, but I aspire to.

20 You make a show out of tasting wine.
Yes
No

I tried to make a point of being fussy over coffee and cheese, but what’s the use.

21 You preface statements with “spoiler alert.”
Yes
No

I am Mr. Online and have been beaten down by spoiling, so I have learned my lesson.

22 You don’t wash last night’s admission stamp off your hand.
Yes
No

I am not likely to scrub off the thing.  Does that mean I am preserve it or am I just dirty?

23 You use abbreviations like TBD, ASAP, and BFD in conversation and sign off e-mails with “thx” or “cheers.”
Yes
No

I have been signing emails with “Cheers, Chris” forever.

24 You wear flip-flops, Croakies, Crocs, or board shorts in the city.
Yes
No

My only excuse here is that I grew up in Hawaii and I never used to wear flip-flops (rubber slippers) in the city until it because ubiquitous.

25 You have a nighttime wardrobe that includes a going-out shirt, concert merchandise, or limited-edition sneakers you bought in Tokyo.
Yes
No

I pretty much wear a uniform, no matter what the situation. I have “dressed up” and “dressed down” and “dressed up with jacked.”

26 You say “I need my Starbucks.”
Yes
No

It might sound a little prissy until I tell you that most of the coffee you drink, especially from Dunkin’ Donuts, is really a lot lot worse than Starbucks. You may think Starbuck’s coffee is “burnt” but the truth is, you just have poor taste in coffee. You’re decidedly “truck stop” class.

27 You refer to the woman you’re casually hooking up with as a “friend with benefits.”
Yes
No

28 You pretend not to know who Spencer Pratt is.
Yes
No

I actually don’t know who Spencer Pratt. How do I answer? Yes or no?

29 You offer advice to women on their “form” at the gym.
Yes
No

30 You call friends and colleagues by their last names.
Yes
No

I call David Gelles “Gelles” — but one is enough. I should start colling Andrew Curry, “Curry,” but I don’t.

31 You refer to a date/girlfriend’s having done some “print work.”
Yes
No

I am not much of a modelizer.

32 You describe anything good as “sick.”
Yes
No

I have referred to things as “sweet,” — where does that fall?

33 You refer to your wife as “the ol’ ball and chain” and say “I’ll take the request to management.”
Yes
No

I might never refer to my wife as my wife.  She is “Stephanie” or “Michelle.”

34 You refer to a trip to the gym as a “legs day.”
Yes
No

35 You go to a show to see the opening band.
Yes
No

If I like the opening band, I go to a show for the opening band.

36 You think Hayden Panettiere is hot.
Yes
No

As a huge Heroes fan, who in the hell wouldn’t think that  Hayden Panettiere is hot?

37 You put your kid in a Che Guevara T-shirt.
Yes
No

I love Che.

38 You include the names of your kids and pets in your home outgoing message.
Yes
No

I would, the moment I can find a woman who might be willing to breed with me.

39 You refer to money as “Benjamins,” “dead presidents,” “ducats,” or “coin.”
Yes
No

I like to be as colloquial as possible when it comes to coin.

40 You bitch about your contractor at parties.
Yes
No

I totally bitch about my contractors, who are actually employees!  Not a lot of bitch about these days — they’re a well-oiled machine, yo.

41 You talk about a record “dropping.”
Yes
No

I am actually old enough to remember when you would stack records on a record player and they would drop down, get played, and then another would drop, and it would be played, too.  The “record” version of a multi-CD player.

42 You half-tuck your shirt.
Yes
No

I think the half-tucked shirts look cool but I am not cool enough to pull it off.

43 You have a goatee.
Yes
No

I am either clean-shaven or I have a beard — sometimes, just scruff.  Never a goatee. Back in the day, though, my girlfriend Michelle demanded her beoyfriends have goatees (what’s up with that) and I complied.

44 You refer to anything as “small-batch” or “artisanal.”
Yes
No

Like I mentioned before, I was well into cheeses and into hams and into other foodie things and I was very much into getting as many whole milk cheeses as possible. And, when you want to get whole milk goat cheese of and elite quality, you need to go “artisanal.”

45 You refer to any last-stop bar as “the 19th hole.”
Yes
No

I refer to as many things as possible as “the 19th hole.”

46 You’re a Caucasian with a tattoo in Asian lettering.
Yes
No

Tatoos appal me.

47 You Evite.
Yes
No

I have Evited people for years and year by now. I love it.

48 You own a wine Rabbit.
Yes
No

I am a huge fan of the very basic “Waiter’s Friend” or the Laguiole knife/wine opener.

49 You proselytize about carbon footprints.
Yes
No

I am very anti-climate change hypocrisy.

50 You name your kid after a character in To Kill a Mockingbird.
Yes
No

My son or daughter will surely be named after some character or actor. I am a huge film-lover and also have a degree in American Literature with a minor in creative writing. It is bound to happen.

51 You use the phrase flyover states.
Yes
No

52 You use the word bicoastal.
Yes
No

Yes, but when I use the term bicoastal, I mean American and Europe; Washington, DC, and Berlin, Germany.  Bicontinental, I guess.

53 You pretend to like country music.
Yes
No

I actually do love country music, especially bluegrass.

54 You wear DJ headphones.
Yes
No

Nope. Just simple buds.

55 You use a Bluetooth headset.
Yes
No

I drive in Washington, DC, and do most of my conference calls enroute. I own two bluetooth headsets: a Motorola and a Jawbone.

56 You call muscle groups by shortened versions of their technical names, like “lats,” “traps,” and “pecs.”
Yes
No

I used to be a wrestler and also a college rower, so you sort of just do call them traps, quads, lats, pec, etc.

I make Susan Stamberg’s cranberry relish recipe every year. It is the color of Pepto-Bismol but don’t let that fool you, it is surely an amazing dish.

Mama Stamberg’s Cranberry Relish Recipe
“2 cups raw cranberries 1 small onion 1/2 cup sugar 3/4 cup sour cream 2 tablespoons horseradish Grind the cranberries and onion together. Add remaining ingredients and mix. Put in a plastic container and freeze. An hour before serving, move the container from the freezer to the refrigerator compartment to thaw. The relish will be thick, creamy, and shocking pink. Makes 1 1/2 pints.”

I make Susan Stamberg’s cranberry relish recipe every year. It is the color of Pepto-Bismol but don’t let that fool you, it is surely an amazing dish.

Mama Stamberg’s Cranberry Relish Recipe
“2 cups raw cranberries 1 small onion 1/2 cup sugar 3/4 cup sour cream 2 tablespoons horseradish Grind the cranberries and onion together. Add remaining ingredients and mix. Put in a plastic container and freeze. An hour before serving, move the container from the freezer to the refrigerator compartment to thaw. The relish will be thick, creamy, and shocking pink. Makes 1 1/2 pints.”

Every man’s man has to have at least one thing he cooks — something he brags about and is known for, at least in the family. My dad made “hash” which was a mixture of corned beef hash from a can, pan fried leftover baked potato from the night before, and sometimes, onion.

Many men are known for their waffles or their pancakes, and some are known for their Sunday fry ups. Well, let me tell you about the moment I knew I would make crêpes my signature dish.

Around six years ago, I attended a Bastille Day up in Bethesda, MD, and there was a crêpe stand. I had eaten a metric tonne of jambon et fromage crêpes while I was in Paris, but this was a time when I was living with Martha Stewart. I owned Wüsthof knives and a Kitchen Aid mixer and a couple Cuisinarts. I eyed stainless All-Clad at one point more than I was eyeballing Porsches. So here we are, Michelle “Martha” Nolan and I, at a phalanx of crêpe-makers. Crêpiers. They used austere steel pans and floppy flexible spatulas. And they took ladles of runny batter and poured them into sizzling blackened bare steel pans.

I went out to William-Sonoma and bought a pan, a spatula, and a book, Crepes: Sweet & Savory Recipes for the Home Cook, which is battered and broken but has served me very well over the years even though I basically use only one recipe from it, which is the recipe for the savoury crêpe. With that simple recipe I have hosted parties, I made desert, breakfast, and dinner.

I have wooed women and have made friends. I have also impressed based o­n the simple formula: people love seeing someone do something masterfully. I make crepes masterfully.

Over the years, I have bought many a crepe pan. I love to season them, use them for a couple months until the steel attains a natural non-stick surface, and then give them away to friends as gifts. People love them, although they rarely use them. After they are thoroughly seasoned they are beautiful and timeless. When they are seasoned, they are never again washed with soap. Grime and gritty bits are rubbed off with salt and a brush.

Then I buy more. I recommend the 9 1/2″ Heavy Duty Carbon Steel Crepe Pan, which is the one you should get. When you bring it home, scrub it well with soap and hot water, to remove the protective surface. Then put it o­n the range under high heat to dry it off. Next, pour some olive oil into the pan when it is dry and turn off the heat. Pour enough in to coat the bottom of the pan. Turn o­n the oven to 350F. When the oils cools, take a rag or a tea towel and rub the entire pan with the oil. Put the oiled pan in a 300F-350F oven for about an hour. Be sure to let the pan cool before touching it. I suggest using olive oil, but other people recommend peanut oil and the traditional way way to use lard, which I will surely try next time out. Don’t buy a blue steel pan, I am not pleased with them. Get the pan I recommend above and you should be good to go. Good luck and I will include my favorite and only recipe below for your enjoyment.

Savory Crepes

These versatile, multipurpose crepes, and the variations that follow, are great for savory fillings. Keep a stack o­n hand in the freezer for unexpected guests. The crêpes will quickly defrost at room temperature, then separate with ease.

It takes just 2 or 3 teaspoons of butter to coat the pan for a batch of crepes. A paper butter wrapper with a small amount of butter o­n it is a fast way to achieve this. For health reasons, if you prefer you may use 2 tablespoons canola, safflower, or olive oil in the savory crepe batter instead of melted butter, but the flavor will be slightly different. Oil may also be used to coat the pan, but butter is preferable for its browning effect.

2 large eggs 1 cup milk 1/3 cup water 1 cup all-purpose flour, preferably bleached 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons butter, melted, plus 2 or 3 teaspoons butter for coating the pan.

In a blender or food processor, blend the eggs, milk, water, flour, salt, and the 2 tablespoons melted butter for 5 seconds, or until smooth. Stir down and repeat if necessary. Or, to mix by hand, sift the flour into a medium bowl and add the salt. Whisk the eggs until blended, mix in the milk and water, and whisk this mixture into the flour and salt; stir in the 2 tablespoons melted butter. Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour (though 2 hours is preferable) or up to 24 hours.

Gently stir the batter if it has separated. Heat a seasoned 6- or 7-inch nonstick crêpe pan over medium-high heat until hot. (Use a 9- or 10-inch pan for larger crêpes.) Coat the pan lightly with butter, lift the pan from the heat, and pour in 2 or 3 tablespoons of batter for a 6- or 7-inch pan, or about 1/4 cup for a 9- or 10-inch pan, tilting and rotating the pan to coat the surface. Cook until almost dry o­n top and lightly browned o­n the edges, about 1 minute. Loosen the edges with a metal spatula and flip the crêpe over using your fingers or the spatula, then cook the other side for about 15 seconds, or until lightly browned. Turn the crêpe out o­nto a clean tea towel to cool. Repeat with the remaining batter, wiping the pan with butter as needed and stacking the crêpes as they are cooked.
For serving immediately, cover the crêpes with aluminum foil and keep them warm in a preheated 200 degree F oven. For serving later, wrap them in plastic wrap in quantities intended for each use and slip them in a self-sealing plastic bag. Refrigerate crêpes for up to 3 days, or freeze them for up to 2 months.

Herb Crepes: Follow the savory crepe recipe and add 1/4 cup minced fresh chives, basil, or flat-leaf parsley to the batter while blending it. Or, for pale green mixed-herb crêpes, use 1/2 cup mixed minced fresh chives, green o­nion tops, flat-leaf parsley, tarragon, marjoram, and basil.

Sun-Dried Tomato Crepes: Follow the savory crepe recipe and add 1/4 minced oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes to the batter while blending it.

Blue Cornmeal Crepes: Follow the savory crepe recipe, but replace the 1 cup all-purpose flour with 2/3 cup all-purpose flour and 2/3 cup blue cornmeal.

Buckwheat Galettes: Follow the savory crepe recipe, but replace the 1 cup all-purpose flour with 2/3 cup all-purpose flour and 2/3 cup buckwheat flour.

Corn Flour Crepes: Follow the savory crepe recipe, but replace the 1 cup all-purpose flour with 2/3 cup all-purpose flour and 2/3 cup corn flour (which is more finely ground than cornmeal).

Cornstarch Crepes: Follow the savory crepe recipe, but replace the 1 cup all-purpose flour with 1 cup cornstarch and add 1/8 teaspoon baking soda.

Garbanzo Flour Crepes: Follow the savory crepe recipe, but replace the 1 cup all-purpose flour with 2/3 cup all-purpose flour with 2/3 cup garbanzo flour and 1/2 cup chestnut flour.

Chestnut-Garbanzo Flour Crepes: Follow the savory crepe recipe, but replace the 1 cup all-purpose flour with 2/3 cup garbanzo flour and 1/2 cup chestnut flour.

Whole-Wheat Crepes: Follow the savory crepe recipe, but replace the 1 cup all-purpose flour with 1 cup whole-wheat flour or 1 cup whole-wheat pastry flour, or 1/2 cup all-purpose flour and 1/2 cup whole-wheat flour.

Chestnut Flour Crepes: Follow the savory crepe recipe, but replace the 1 cup all-purpose flour with 2/3 cup all-purpose flour and 1/2 cup chestnut flour.

Nutrition Facts Makes eighteen 6- or 7-inch crepes, Facts per Serving Calories: 52 Fat:2g Carbohydrates:6g Cholesterol:28mg Sodium:46mg Protein:2g Fiber:0g % Cal. from Fat:35% % Cal. from Carbs:46%

Source: Crepes: Sweet and Savory Recipes for the Home Cook