Yahoo! CEO Carol Bartz

My business partner, CEO Mark Harrison, sent me a link to Yahoo’s Bartz drops the F-bomb with the comment, “Wow, think we could get global press for our conference calls? One f-bomb?  Amateur hour.” He was talking about me. Oh, for shame.  Anyway, why is Yahoo! CEO Carol Bartz my hero?  Well, here’s her quote — I love it for content and style!

“We sort of had one product management person for every three engineers,” Bartz explained. “So we had a lot of people running around and telling people what to do, but nobody was fucking doing anything.”

What we geeks talk about post-economic collapse when we’re not talking about our own challenges is how stupid Facebook was for not accepting either Microsoft’s or Yahoo!’s offer to buy them. Patricio Robles believes that Facebook might be having some financial challenges. Who knows what the outcome may be.  Well, either way, the question is Is Facebook in trouble?:

As I see it, Facebook is walking a very fine line. It has built an incredible service that so many people love but financially it may be pushing the limits, putting its future in jeopardy. I hope that it manages to pull it off and that all of the talk is overblown but I remember what took place at a lot of companies as the first boom started to bust and some of the same warning signs are starting to appear.

This news is from the hasn’t this already happened before department?  Also, from the I can’t believe it took this long department. Via the Washington Post.

Yahoo chief executive Jerry Yang will step down, the company announced last night, as the once-highflying Internet portal struggles to steady itself in the turbulent environment for Web media.

Yahoo! should be one of the coolest brands on the block.  With Flickr and del.icio.us, Yahoo really should be #2 — and it could be #1 if it would stop with the self-loathing — and it is not. Why?  Because Yahoo isn’t nearly shameless enough to survive in the 2008 Internet.  It is no longer the world of wizened Unix gurus who would easily define what is and isn’t couth on the Internet. Yahoo! is stuck in the days when it was uncool to splash your own brand on the brands you own (so is AOL); Yahoo! is stuck in the Internet of the 90s, an Internet wherein being good enough was good enough.

If Yahoo! was trying not to become gauche or become an ugly American in the Europe of the Internet, then it was successful! Yahoo! has become irrelevant. At least people hate Microsoft & AOL. Hell, I have nothing at all to say about Yahoo! except I adore del.icio.us and Flickr.  How could the owner of two of the Internet’s coolest properties never be able to harnest the gravity of these two major celestial bodies and slingshot themselves into #1?

Maybe there is too much modesty, not enough braggadocio, in the halls of Yahoo!  Maybe if you look closely, Yahoo! is the company that does no harm and does no evil.  Maybe the company who’s motto is “Don’t Be Evil,” is actually pretty shameless and far from modest. Maybe on the modern Internet (and in modern business) it is more important to say you’re doing good, being good, and being modest than it is to actually be modest.

Yahoo!, Yahoo!, Yahoo! please try your darnedest to spend more time sharing yourself with the world and less time being the best of the good citizens.  Google is absolutely shameless when it comes to all the good work they’re doing.  They are not keeping their religion to themselves, they’re not praying quietly to themselves in a bare cell, away from prying eyes!  Google is on the soapbox!  Google is bragging!  Google is sharing the Holy Spirit with the world!

If you keep on slipping those alms into the alms box of Internet Good Works by dark of night you will actually become irrelevant.  Nobody is against you but nobody is for you, either. Nobody cares.

What’s worse, I don’t think enough people even really think much about Flickr and del.icio.us being Yahoo! properties.

Yes, you make folks become Yahoo! members, but that’s not enough. In DC and Virginia, everyone has a Safeway card but nobody like to shop at Safeway — it’s only because Safeway makes it super-easy to become a member.  There is no brand loyalty, there is no passion behind the brand (OK, OK, Safeway Select pasta sauce is awesome — it is like Safeway’s Flickr), even if everyone has a Safeway scan card on their key ring.

Anyway, Yahoo!, I am so sorry for the rant.  Oh, also, why is it that all of my geeky friends in the Zope and Python world all want to work for Google and not for Yahoo!?  How come all of my PHP and MySQL friends ache to work for Google and not for Yahoo!  How pissed you must be to suffer that Google drank your milkshake.  They took you toys!  You, Yahoo!, where supposed to be that success story!  I mean, you were the first search engine, after all!  You were the first directory, right?

Well, it is time to get off your pity pot, kick Jerry to the curb, and again become the Yahoo! I have known you since 1994 and have loved you (although I have not used your email address since Gmail came out, sorry) and I really want you to get you some smarts.  Give me a call at +1 (202) 352-5051 or +49 (0)151 52579077 — I would be more than happy to try to help you turn this ship around!

Viel Glück

“TIME WARNER is expected to propose a merger of AOL and YAHOO. TW would receive a signifiant equity stake in the combined entity, which would benefit from $1 billion in annual cost savings. NEWS CORP has been considering a similar setup for combining MySpace with Yahoo and taking a major stake in the company. Yahoo is trying to put together a deal quickly as its annual shareholder meeting approaches.” Via Shelly Palmer.