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My friend Pam Teagarden had never blogged before or ever had a blog. Well, now Pamela has a popular blog with over 2,000 subscribers in the form of In the Ladies Room you should check out. Well, I am a devoted subscriber myself (yes, I am comfortable being address as ” Okay, ladies”) and actually posted a comment this morning that I would like to share in response to the latest post, War of Words: No Sticks. No Stones. But, will words hurt us?:
George, one thing I noticed about your mention of goldfish poop is that it is power-based and not gender-based, at least the way you said it. It was based on who trailed or followed and not what gender that person is. Today, it is often not a wife who follows but a husband, at least in the expatriate world I enjoyed in Berlin.
That said, the gender wars were perceived power based as well, so maybe this is the same stuff seen through a PC filter or just seens elsewise.
I know my friend David might have felt like goldfish poop when he moved to Jakarta for his wife for a DC-based intermational development company, but someone is always going to feel threatened or afraid.
I know one thing: if your spouse or partner thinks of you as the goldfish poop, you have bigger fish to fry than hurtful words, you have a resentful and hateful partner, for a start. You might even need to look in the mirror yourself to see how much of a rug you have become: ARE you goldfish poop? Have you become the trailing spouse? Are you a victim?
I thought I would share George’s comment here:
Currently I am engaged in several discussions about word usage, one being a long debate about how to call accompanying partners in expatriation assignments. Accompanying spouse, trailing spouse, spousal companion etc., all have their advocates. One contributor to the discussion noted that in Japanese they are popularly and humorously referred to as “goldfish poop” referring to the feces that remain attached to the swimming goldfish for a while after defecation!
What the war of words is increasingly telling me is that we are descending into a bottomless pit of emotional righteousness beyond the point where subjectivity becomes the standard. Tolerance of course goes two ways, not giving, but also not taking offense and the latter feature seems generally forgotten. Bizarre in a society that can inflict terrible and deadly violence around the world with the claim of “being in the right.”
In France we argue a lot and generally part amicably. We also have a phrase, “enculer les mouches” which means wasting time with little stuff to the point that we fail to do the big stuff. Taking offense at words is little stuff, but connecting with people and exploring intentions and synergies is the big stuff. Sometimes discussing words can take us there, but political correctness as a hammer does little to take us there whether it comes from the right or the left.
And finally, here’s Pamela Teagarden’s post, War of Words:
No Sticks. No Stones. But, will words hurt us?
Every time I write a blog post, I read it several times to insure that I am not speaking too much like a victim, too aggressively toward men or in any way that seems exclusive. [I try. I do!]
I really, truly don’t think this is an ‘us-versus-them’ kind of thing. I have heard from a bunch of men about how great they think this blog is, for goodness sake!
While the language is getting better, there are still things that get on my nerves. Sometimes I see things that feel destructive.
On television news programs (in the US), you’ll see segments titled “Gender Wars” [I won't name stations], and I have seen magazine articles that suggest a “Battle for the Boardroom”. In my line of work, I see a lot of coaching or training initiatives to “up-skill women in sales and negotiations” [boy, THAT one really irks me!!!].
Now, don’t get me wrong, I have a sense of humor. When I play games with friends, we will get into a ‘battle of the sexes’ just to laugh at both sides. No worries there. And, I do like it when the ladies are victorious!
Am I being picky here? Or,
Ladies,
Do we need to watch our language?
