Chris Abraham

Diane Grzyb, the Polish Diva, and I grew up Catholic and I think we both agree that the original Seven Deadly Sins are pretty good but that “kids nowadays…” What I mean is that most kids nowadays don’t even know (or care) what many of these sins even mean: Sloth? Gluttony? Envy? What does that mean?

Even so, most of these mortal, deadly, sins aren’t even sins any more, they’re American and good for the economy. The economy would collapse were advertisers not able to leverage Pride, Envy, Lust, Gluttony, and Greed for their sales and marketing strategies! Come on, it is true, these “sins” drive the economy!

Also, when it comes to international relations and crowd control, Anger and Sloth pretty much drive the war on terrorism and make it easier for the Powers That Be to extricate our liberties from our cold Slothful fingers.

I am not making any sense on this — Diane nails it when she says, “the problem is that people either don’t believe that they sin or that they don’t believe that telling someone else their sins will make them better people” Diane says it better than me in The New Seven Mortal Sins:

“I was a little surprised to learn that the Vatican has issued a new list of seven deadly sins, particularly since the apparent reason for revisiting the list was because people aren’t taking advantage of the sacrament of reconciliation enough. But just looking at today’s headlines alone suggests that the old sins were the problem (i.e., lust at the Mayflower, envy of more popular presidential candidates). No, the sins aren’t the problem: the problem is that people either don’t believe that they sin or that they don’t believe that telling someone else their sins will make them better people.”

But for giggles, let’s review the list:

THE OLD MORTAL SINS
- Pride
- Envy
- Lust
- Gluttony
- Anger
- Greed
- Sloth

THE NEW MORTAL SINS
- Environmental pollution
- Genetic manipulation
- Accumulating excessive wealth
- Inflicting poverty
- Drug trafficking and consumption
- Morally debatable experiments
- Violation of fundamental rights of human nature

Now, father forgive me, I have no idea what some of these mean, nor do I believe that I have the resources to commit these sins. Genetic manipulation? I’m not running any cloning labs in my basement. And violation of fundamental rights of human nature? What the heck does that mean? Requiring Catholics to take a philosophy course before they make amends with G-d just doesn’t sound like an enticing way to get them back in the confessional.