Unfogged Explores My Dating Psyche in Comments

The Atlantic article, Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough, was cross-referenced with my article, Chris Abraham As Quoted in The Atlantic, and then synthesized into the article, I’m Sufficiently Into You, which is especially cool because there are over 300 comments that dress my down like a rock star:

See, Chris has it right. If there’s only one person you’d want to be married to, then don’t marry anyone else.

If he’s telling the truth, that is. *ahem*probablynot*ahem*

Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 12:24 AM

“By the time she turns 37,” Chris said confidently, “she’ll come back. And I’ll bet she’ll marry me then. I know she wants to have kids.”

Is there anyone who doubts that the surgeon did exactly the right thing in not marrying him?

Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 12:38 AM

This guy Chris must be a real whiz in his marketing job, what with all his keen insights into people. “I’ll just wait this one out, because doubtless this smart, ambitious, good looking woman will have to come crawling back for my baby making sperm.”

Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 1:19 AM

Well that’s marketing for you — he probably saw a study about high percentages of late-thirties childless women desperate to get married and start a family.

Posted by: soup biscuit | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 1:23 AM

Chris sounds like a couple of guys I know, to the extent that many of them went through a must-find-a-wife stage and were far more desperate not to be “that guy” at the bar in his mid-thirties.

31 is just genius. “Never trust anyone over thirty” has turned into “Never trust anyone black/educated/white/rural/female/under 50 who voted for Obama.”

Chris’s story fills me with sadness more than anything else.

Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 6:36 AM

35: Yes, but they were worried about it. They were worried that women would wonder why they were 32 and not married. What was wrong with them? (Usually, nothing.) It’s just that we almost never hear about it from guys, but for guys that want to get married, in my experience, there’s just as much panicking.

Posted by: Cala | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 6:40 AM

It’s funny how all this ridiculous advice ignores the fact that there are also men who really, really, desperately want to get married and have children.

apart from the “Chris” bits, yes it does.

Posted by: dsquared | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 6:45 AM

I thought men’s greater reproductive flexibility would blunt that a bit.

Men still get old and ugly, even when their gonads keep working.

Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 6:48 AM

Sadly, some of my ideas about marriage and child rearing have gotten more traditional as I’ve gotten a bit older. My criteria have narrowed instead of expanding. In my case I think that’s just being realistic.

The kind of person I’d be willing to marry if we don’t plan on having kids is different from the standards I’d have if we do. I’d really need a lot of help to manage a household adequately. That means that I’d probably need a full-time nanny and someone to clean the house a couple of times a week. Given my temperament, I’m unlikely to be able to earn that kind of money myself, so I’d have to marry somebody pretty damn financially secure. Probably the ideal mate would be somebody working a 50 hour week with some independent source of income too.

Those are pretty narrow criteria, and it’s really quite likely that I’ll never find someone like that to have kids with, but that would be okay. Part of me would probably like to have kids, but I know that I shouldn’t absent a ton of help. If we aren’t going to have children, then I can be a lot more flexible.

Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 8:20 AM

So some of you want a guy with a trust fund, who will help with the kids, but is not a douchebag. Have you tried the park? He probably goes there in his spare time to ride unicorns.

Posted by: gswift | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 9:30 AM

If I wanted to desperately enough, I could start hanging around provate clubs and the like. I was somewhere recently where I was asked whether I needed to work or if I had an independent income.

Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 9:39 AM

So some of you want a guy with a trust fund

A bit of advice.

A high earner is better than a trust fundie.

Earnings get divided in divorce. In Virginia, a trust fund would not.

Posted by: will | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 9:40 AM

Have you tried the park? He probably goes there in his spare time to ride unicorns.

Chris Abraham “was found in the company of a brood of Unicorns and is believed to have been bred for his skills in magic.”

Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 10:02 AM

I couldn’t read the whole Gottlieb piece—my eyes started rolling uncontrollably when she dragged in Friends—but she seems awfully glib about the prospect of post-settling divorce. I know several people with little kids who are getting divorced or have recently done so, and Christ almighty what a nightmare. You think your life sucks because you yearn for spouse and family? Just you wait.

Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 02-11-08 10:16 AM

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