I will let my words speak for themselves, as published in this month’s Atlantic magazine in Lori Gottlieb’s article, Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough (gulp):
“Then there’s my friend Chris, a single 35-year-old marketing consultant who for three years dated someone he calls “the perfect woman”—a kind and beautiful surgeon. She broke off the relationship several times because, she told him with regret, she didn’t think she wanted to spend her life with him. Each time, Chris would persuade her to reconsider, until finally she called it off for good, saying that she just couldn’t marry somebody she wasn’t in love with. Chris was devastated, but now that his ex-girlfriend has reached 35, he’s suddenly hopeful about their future.
“By the time she turns 37,” Chris said confidently, “she’ll come back. And I’ll bet she’ll marry me then. I know she wants to have kids.” I asked Chris why he would want to be with a woman who wasn’t in love with him. Wouldn’t he be settling, too, by marrying someone who would be using him to have a family? Chris didn’t see it that way at all. “She’ll be settling,” Chris said cheerfully. “But not me. I get to marry the woman of my dreams. That’s not settling. That’s the fantasy.”
Chris believes that women are far too picky: everyone knows, he says, that a single middle-aged man still has appealing prospects; a single middle-aged woman likely doesn’t. And he’s right. Single women are painfully aware of this. I hear far more women than men talk about getting married as a goal to be met by a certain deadline.”
Note: the interview was conducted over two years ago.
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CA!! I can’t believe you said all that!
Trust me.. there are men out there for middle aged women– they just have to learn how to find them. I have friends who have NO problems at all .
rethink what age you think middle age is because it is NOT 40!
try it again Mr. Abraham!
This will make a great blog post.
OMG — right up there with the Maroon 5 one that’s about to happen.
Stevie! Brilliant! Ha ha! Yes, I did say those things, and the fact-checker called me to confirm it — but the interview happened more than 2 years ago, so it is a little dated. Either way, I have to say that I am sort of blissed by being quoted in The Atlantic. Cool, right?
Truly cool and that 2 year later NB (nota bene) should have been up top– to not let us think you haven’t learned a few things since then. (uh…. we hope you have)..
After all, if CA can change, then there is hope for all men.
Kudos on the plug in Atlantic– however what will the doc think about this when she sees it?
I have a feeling that she may completely freak out! Don’t you think? However, I have a feeling that it will never get to her on that. Docs are disconnected pretty much. I will be interesting to see if she ever puts two and two together — I am not going to mention it! :)
so did she ever settle down?
and you? :)
She did. With another guy. Almost immediately. They’re very happy. And expecting. Me? I got more wild. Bachelor-for-life!
wait til you see this hit my blog
When? When?
Will be this week. I am jigging the schedule now– due to the romantic holiday mid week.
But given the subject matter, it could/would be very interesting due to the timing.
Just how you respond is what is interesting.. because that will generate more questions.
But then — I think you realize that– or not?
*giggle*
I don’t know what you’re talking about! I know nothing of what you speak!
*giggle*
Just wait and see. It’s a thread that’s based on Lori’s piece.. and based on the podcasts that are linked into my blog post.
should prove interesting– particularly since part 2 didn’t get the attention but have really salient information in it too.
Grammy on!
I am Grammying on, yo yo!
You know, the first thing I think of when I read this is, “Uh, where are they going to find the guys who are going to settle?” I mean, it sounds like these women are hoping to “settle” with a man who is more or less their equal, instead of continuing to wait for some silly 14 year-old’s fantasy of what love is. Why would a these men who are more or less as educated, cultured, and aged as they chose to settle with them when they can just say, “hm… no, I think I will choose a woman with issues, flaws, and baggage – 10 years younger.” ?
Settling for a guy really just means being satisfied with young and hot rather than “perfect in every conceivable way.”
Old American women are so lucky that there are so many American guys who apparently are unaware of the options they’ve got…
Or maybe they are settling for men in their 50’s and 60’s where 40 is a rather nice level of hotness without the social akwardness of everyone assuming you are out with your grandaughter…
umm . I am based in Los Angeles, do you realize how many men do just that–settle for those who are 10 years younger with their own baggage and oft times sugar daddy aspirations?
There are enough women I have spoken to out there– (and men too) who wish they could find someone NICE ( read as educated, interesting, fun, sense of humor, wikes to do stuff) to connect with.
I know one person who connected with someone who claimed to have “no baggage” — yet his baggage could have filled the Orient Express and they eventually split up and he is repeating the same pattern over and over and not learning anything (though the guy is a counselor– I could say something else here but I won’t.
the “old” American guys (please what a terrible term. try mature, older.) do know what’s out there and they are shooting for the under 40 crowd- with no children or other baggage.
If you want maturity, appreciation of life and understanding of what it takes to make a relationship work, then excuse me– it does take someone who has lived it– not just watched it on tv.
I don’t think women are looking for someone young and hot- they are looking for someone who can emotionally bond with another person- who understands what it means to “be there” for someone and go the distance.
I am not saying there aren’t younger men out there who can’t do that. (hell, my therapist snagged someone younger and he’s a winner).
But I don’t consider that these women are looking for “perfection” when what they want is an emotional connection and a reasonable pursuit of life and happiness.
All i got to say is U WILL NEVER GET MARRIED AND IF U DO….. THEN THAT PERSON NEEDS HELP!!
:)