When I wrote, “It is amazing how picky someone can be. Especially in a city with the DC’s proportion of single women to single men,” one of my dearest female friends responded, “Well, I can tell you that proportion of women to men has nothing to do with pickiness. Why should women be with someone they’re not in love with or who isn’t right for them just because women outnumber men in your city?”
She continued, “(A man isn’t told to marry someone he’s not in love with. Why should a woman do that?). I always marvel at men who believe this percentage thing should make women choose to be with them. I mean, why would a man WANT to be with a woman who ‘settled’ to be with him because the percentages weren’t in her favor? I’d be insulted to be that man. I wouldn’t be holding percentages over her head — I’d say, despite the percentages, find a guy who knocks your socks off. And if you don’t find him, don’t settle for someone out of convenience. Because that’s not fair to her, buy it’s also not fair to him. Talk about a life of quiet misery. Or not so quiet, when the affairs come to light ;)”
What do you think? If it were only that simple.
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Well, of course. Never settle when it comes to spending the rest of your life with someone.
In addition to love, marry someone that you trust, like, value, get along with, who shares the same values and morals as you, whose faults you can tolerate (and who can tolerate yours). Please also marry someone that you have the vapors for.
Marriage is not as simple as just love. I’ve loved men that I wouldn’t marry. But I didn’t marry someone that I didn’t love when given the opportunity, although he met all of my other “qualifications.”
I’m currently reading Stephanie Coontz’ Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage. It outlines how our expectations of the husband-wife relationship changed when society stressed the importance of love in that dynamic.