Chris Abraham

Even after all of these years, even smart women like Amy Sutherland still think they can change a man. Women, you can’t change a man. Unless, of course, he wants to change (for you). Men and women are both wild things.

If you noticed from my article, Best Practices Guidelines for Approaching Women, I compared women to majestic, intelligent, wild things. In What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage, Amy Sutherland compares men to noble whales and dolphins — in captivity.

Are we men prisoners? Are we contained in some brackish blue-bottomed tank, encouraged to do shameful tricks for tub fulls of dead smelt, tongue and nose rubs?

After doing research on exotic animal trainers and exotic animal training schools, Amy Sutherland got it into her head that her husband Scott is a whale, trainable using the simple “approximations” method.

“The exotic animal known as Scott is a loner, but an alpha male. So hierarchy matters, but being in a group doesn’t so much. He has the balance of a gymnast, but moves slowly, especially when getting dressed. Skiing comes naturally, but being on time does not. He’s an omnivore, and what a trainer would call food-driven.”

Sorry, Amy, but Scott is no longer an alpha male. Apparently, you are. He is a trained seal. He is a fool. He is in captivity.

Poor Scott.

Thanks to David for sharing this article with me.