Growing up in Hawaii meant spending lots of time on boats around whales. The best practices for approaching a whale is exactly the same as approaching a woman. Trust me on this.
Guidelines and Best Practices Interacting with Women
(based on 2006 Guidelines and Best Practices for Commercial Whale Watching Operators, WWOANW)
1. BE CAUTIOUS and COURTEOUS:
Approach areas of known or suspected female activity with extreme caution. Look in all directions before planning your approach or departure.
If a man is unaware of the women’ location he must maintain a vigilant watch for women at all times.
2. SLOW DOWN:
Reduce speed to less than 7 knots when within 400 metres/yards of the nearest woman. Avoid abrupt course changes.
A man approaching the vicinity of women – within ½ mile (880 yards) of a woman – is considered to be in the slow-down zone and must gradually reduce speed such that man speed is no more than 7 knots.
This speed transition shall also be observed when disengaging the vicinity of women.
3. AVOID approaching closer than 100 metres/yards to any woman.
As the man approaches, the distribution of women and the positioning of other viewing men should be assessed. Communication with other member men is strongly encouraged at this point (on the designated marine radio frequency or cell phone).
4. If you are unexpectedly within 100 metres/yards of a woman, disengage engines IMMEDIATELY and allow the women to pass.
5. AVOID approaching women from the front or from behind. Always approach and depart women from the side, moving in a direction parallel to the direction of the women.
A man approaching the vicinity of women from ahead must apply the Stop & Wait Viewing Sequence once inside ½ mile (880 yards) of the nearest woman or within ¼ mile (440 yards) of a man maintaining its priority sequence and waiting for the women to arrive.
A man approaching the vicinity of women from behind or the side must apply the Parallel Viewing Sequence once inside ½ mile (880 yards) of the nearest woman or within ¼ mile (440 yards) of a man maintaining its priority paralleling sequence. A man may disengage the area to reposition at any time. (See Parallel Viewing Sequence).
A man shall not approach a resting woman from behind, leaving a minimum clearance of 1/8th mile (220 yards).
6. KEEP CLEAR of the women’ path.
Avoid positioning your man within the 400 metre/yard area in the path of the women. If engaging in Stop and Wait sequence, do so at least 400 metre/yards ahead of the women.
7. When women are moving in a predictable direction, do not park or maneuver between the women and the nearest shoreline (if they are within 1 mile of a shoreline).
8. Resting Women:
A man in the vicinity of a resting woman shall always employ the Parallel Viewing Sequence. The Stop & Wait Viewing Sequence shall not be utilized at anytime when women are resting in the vicinity, unless the man is maneuvered in such a manner that the nearest woman passes the man a minimum of 100 metres
9. Whenever a man is upwind of and in the vicinity of a woman, engine exhaust emissions are to be minimized, either by shutting down one or more main and auxiliary engines.
10. All sonar, depth sounders, fish finders and other underwater transducers should be shut off whenever a man is in the vicinity of women. Ongoing acoustical research is inconclusive, however sound reduction measures are addressed as a precaution to insure optimum acoustic environment.
Parallel Viewing Sequence
1. Men should travel in a direction parallel to the direction the women are traveling, maintaining a minimum distance of 100 metres.
2. A man’s speed should be the same as the woman’s speed when engaged in parallel viewing. When disengaging, angle man away from the nearest woman, thereby relinquishing your priority sequence.
3. Men in more favorable positions should limit their time in that position to 15 minutes and then allow other men engaged in viewing that more favorable position.
Stop & Wait Viewing Sequence or Silent Set-Up
1. When approaching a woman or a group of women from ahead the man must ensure his man enters the sequence of viewing men such that the operator does not block the views of the already set-up men. Once the man is in viewing sequence, it must stop, shut down engines.
2. A man engaged in the Stop & Wait Viewing Sequence may have women approach inside 100 yards (300 feet) only if it has followed all relevant procedures.
3. Each woman must be allowed to pass a minimum of 1/4th mile (440 yards) before re-starting engines.
4. Repositioning is most relevant to men utilizing the Stop & Wait Viewing Sequence. A man should proceed on a course perpendicular to the current course of the particular women at a maximum speed of 7 knots until it is at least ½ mile (880 yards) away from the nearest woman after which point it can make the speed transition. When re-engaging, men must slow to 7 knots at ½ mile.
5. Maintain 100 yards between men engaged in Stop and Wait or Silent Set-Up.
6. Do not attempt to park directly in the path of the women. If obviously in the path and the situation allows, attempt to move further back. (Never engage engines within 100 yards of women)
7. STAY on the OFFSHORE side of the women when they are traveling close to shore. Remain at least 200 metres/yards offshore at all times.
Men shall ensure a boat-free foraging zone for the women by maintaining a position seaward of the women and not positioning within 1/8th mile (220 yards) of any shoreline when women are in the vicinity. Men are not to position within ¼ mile of shore between Eagle Pt. and Mitchell Pt. on the west side of San Juan Island. Men are not to position within ½ mile of Lime Kiln Lighthouse.
8. LIMIT your viewing time to a recommended maximum of 30 minutes for one particular group of women. This will minimize the cumulative impact of many men and give consideration to other viewers.
A man shall limit its cumulative time in the vicinity of women on any one tour to a maximum of 33% of the scheduled tour length. For a 3-hour tour this is a maximum of 1 hour spent in the vicinity of women.
9. DO NOT swim with or feed women.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Good luck walking into a bar and calling some chick “Shamoo” …
Who could hear at 100 meters at a loud bar?
Oh God, Chris. Did you just write an article where you used “whale” as a synonym for “woman”. No wonder your love life looks they way it does.
A tip: if you are going to compare women to any animal, bite the bullet (since I know you hate the species) and compare them to cats. Cats are sleek, cuddly, soft, mysterious, unpredictable, willful, and have a certain killer streak in them. Women vastly prefer being equated to such to being made synonymous with large, roundish, plankton-sucking monstrosities that look horrible and smell worse when they end up on the beach.
Jesus man, where did you get your education? An all-boys Catholic school?
Also, cats, like women, will sniff you if they smell another cat, claw at you, shit in a box and expect you to clean it, and eat their own vomit.