“It is unfortunate that women’s general imperative - or more positively phrased, their ability - to ignite attraction and even love in men with simple good looks is so universally perceived by our modern intelligencia as negative for women,” says Mark over at Anthony Citrano’s Weblog.
“The fact that is that women can very reliably ensure themselves that they will attract a pool of potential suitors sufficiently large enough to allow them to choose according to their liking simply by presenting themselves physically within a fairly simple set of parameters hardwired and socially programmed into men to fire their passions and their attachment.”
“For men trying to attract a large enough pool of women to allow them to be choosy, the equation is a much more complex soup: physical factors (bald generally negative, hairy back generally negative, short generally negative, fat generally negative, style continually changing and unpredictable), social factors (status, wealth, perception by others, fetishized archetypes - e.g. pained poet, bad boy, impassioned rebel, strong silent type, lonesome cowboy, etc.), personal charisma (charm, wit, intelligence, confidence, articulateness, social skills, etc.), and for some women, the man’s future potential as a good mate as a provider and partner.”
“For men, the bar in terms of looks is set really quite low, but otherwise, they have quite a lot to juggle and tweak if they are hoping to present themselves to the world in a way that will ensure they have a large enough group of women attracted to them to allow themselves to be selective.”
“Women, on the other hand, are actually quite fortunate with the simplicity of their challenge: simply look good. A large group of men will be attracted, and the woman can enjoy the power of selection she desires. Given, there will be work involved. Probably rather hard, sweaty, disciplined work, but the work is simple, straightforward and well-defined. Above a woman’s shoulders, there are limitations to how much can be done to get her looks within the pre-wired/societally-programmed parameters, but the multi-billion dollar cosmetics industry is fully focused on giving women all the tools and technical support they could wish for in this field. As for the rest of the body, the formula there to enflame the interest of the vast, vast majority of men is very simple in our modern American society: keep yourself slim and healthy, and keep your muscles toned, taut, and strong. Just be slim, athletic, toned, and healthy and the vast majority of American men will find your body - and thus, you - very attractive.”
“Yes, there are men who are exceptions to this rule, but if you want something that will trigger attraction in the vast majority of American men, this is it.”
“And the method is simple: eat healthily, work out. Eat only healthy food, and spend a minimum of an hour a day working hard to tone your body. Go running, lift weights, do yoga - whatever combination gets your body slim and tight. The added enormous fringe benefit is that you will live a healthier, probably longer life, and enjoy more happiness and psychological stability - exercise and good nutrition feed and relax the psyche.”
“That’s it: Eat Right, Work Out. It’s never been simpler, easier, or healthier for women in America to ensure themselves a good selection of suitors. Gone are the days when men required proper pedigree, Betty Crocker domestic perfection, virginal purity, unflawed adherence to societal etiquette, perfect-makeup-and-heels-with-dinner-on-the-table-at-six. Now, if you just look hot, you will have a dozen men to choose from. How you choose to manage all your opportunity is another game entirely, but that is a game of managing affluence, rather than struggling for sustainance.”
“You may respond to this simple truth by stamping your feet and insisting that ‘I want a man who will love me for who I am’ and other such self-excusing tripe, but if you want to invest your energies in something that will give you a broad pick of men (and whining about the realities of the mechanics of male attraction will not do that, just for the record) then invest them in this: Eat Right, Work Out. From your excess you can choose the man who truly loves you.”
“If after that, you want to do your hair, primp your makeup, do your nails, dress prettily, fine. That will probably make things even a bit better for you - but those are icing on the cake. Most men barely notice those details. When you look hot during your workout with a slim, strong body, sweat dripping off you, your hair a mess, as far from primped and perfect as imaginable, then you have made it. Dress and primp for other girls. Men don’t really care.”
“Eat Right, Work Out. Make your body hot by the hard-wired and societally programmed beauty standards of the early 21st century, and you will have more men to choose from than you know what to do with. Fortunately, today’s standards of attraction are for strong, healthy, slim bodies - universally recognized as an incredibly healthy, life-prolonging combination, unlike the Twiggy anorexic fetish of the 70’s, or the arteriosclerosis, backache-inducing obese standard of Rubens’s years.”
“It’s never been easier for women. Men’s slavish attraction to beauty is your ally, not your enemy. It puts the power in women’s hands with the minimum of work and the absolute minimum of variance in where women have to invest their efforts. Recognize a good thing when it’s been given to you.”
Comments (17)
There are so many statements here to disagree with and qualify. Firstly, yes, of course–eat right and work out. Great. Slim bodies=physical attraction to the vast majority of males. Sad, but true. Yes, your pool of suitors is larger, but in some ways, it makes it more difficult to really ascertain true compatibility. There are many things men–and women–can put up with just because their selected mate is smokin’ hot. I’m not so sure this is a good thing.
Could this syndrome possibly be related to the extremely high divorce rate in this country? When men (and some women) are not forced to look beyond the physical for a higher degree of compatibility? Men get tied to a high-maintenance, demanding bitch and then cry foul–or that “she changed”–when she “turns into” a controlling, possessive bitch. Wanting him home at all times, making unreasonable requests, etc. Then the divorce is not only inevitable, it’s pinned on the failings of the woman. Is this really fair? You men certainly knew what you were getting into when you started dating her, if only you weren’t too blind to see it. What was charming and reaffirming to both your sense of masculinity and your ability to attract said high-maintenance bitch becomes your shackle/prison. Women wouldn’t get away with it if you didn’t let us.
Perhaps it was easier in the past, when women were forced to wear both constraining and overly chaste clothing. After all, though you couldn’t tell how “tight” someone’s body was through all of the petticoats and corsets, you had a reasonable sense of who she was as a person. What we view as repression might have been a sort of liberation, a chance for both sexes to evaluate potential partners on the basis of more fundamental measures of compatability.
Secondly, I apologize, but I really don’t appreciate the “difficulty” men have with regards to the fluidity of their ability to attract the opposite sex. The more cynical among you would argue that a man’s ability to attract lies primarily with his bank balance, but–though true of a select portion of the female population–it’s completely false.
In my eyes, men have it easy. We women are much more forgiving of a few extra pounds, receding hairline, and questionable fashion sense–any one of which is liable to cross any given woman off the list of any given man. What we want is a guy who can keep up with our intellectual pace, is empathetic and able to articulate his own perspectives, and a man who is able to make us feel like more of a woman. That’s it. No one-hour-a-day-of-busting-your-ass and constant vigilance of eating habits required. Pretty simple. If you’re kind, conversational, personable, can be vulnerable and yet confident, and gently touch our elbow to guide us across a crowded room without being controlling and/or condescending, you’ve got a pretty good shot with us. Seriously.
Don’t get me wrong–people who work out really are more attractive. However, that attractiveness is just as based on improved self-confidence, self-discipline, and general sense of well-being as having the so-called tight body.
I’m far too exhausted to address the incredible amount of time, work, and money required to maintain the upkeep “above the neck” mentioned above. Suffice to say there’s a reason why men rarely need more than twenty minutes to get ready for a date. Sheesh.
Like I think I said before, if you feel sexy you are sexy. If having a “tight body” makes you feel more likely to be “out there” and to be more receptive and provocative, then that’s really the most important thing. And, to be honest, there is too good looking, although I am ready to say that I don’t suffer from any of that.
That said, let me bring myself to bear.
I don’t feel sexy. I don’t feel hot. I don’t look at myself in the mirror and say, “look at you, there, you handsome devil, tiger.”
And you know why? Well it’s exclusively because I am about 30-40 lbs over “total stud.”
I am blessed with some good looks and a nice smile (thanks to mom’s braces, thanks mom!), but to be honest, the best thing I could do for myself with regards my wardrobe is not to spend $1,500.00 on an Armani suit but spend $1,500 on a personal trainer and a food service so that I really and truly can spend all the time required for this, because this is actually something everybody can read and take-away:
“Eat Right, Work Out. Make your body hot by the hard-wired and societally programmed beauty standards of the early 21st century, and you will have more women to choose from than you know what to do with.”
And, to be honest, I really just want the one.
Responses to the responses…
To contextualize this original article, it was a response to a comment on Anthony Citrano’s Weblog in which a woman complained about her supposedly not having the necessary looks to be allowed into the club of the loved. My response was, simply put, that for all but the tragically deformed, the hurdle of “sufficiently attractive” can be cleared with room to spare via that very simple formula I outlined. Men, fortunately for women, are apes in this department. If this year you are not clearing that hurdle, next year you can be, 100% guaranteed. You just have to do the work.
And, to repeat an important detail, the “Eat Right, Work Out” formula gets you a generous stable to select from. Thereafter, you still have to do the non-gym work of selecting a great one and building a strong, stable relationship. Not as easy as eating well and sweating hard an hour a day.
Now, as for Natalie’s “repression=liberation” suggestion that women had it better when they were forced into corsets, were barred from education, were financially dependent on men, and given hysterectomy if they expressed themselves too much, well, I’ll let my sisters in the Women’s Studies department respond to that (suggestion: Natalie, put on your asbestos).
I must take strong stance against Natalie’s attempt to imply that there is a correlation between being hot and a higher probability of getting divorced. I mean, really. The divorce rate in the US is 50%. If over half of those people getting divorced are above average hot, then we Americans are one extraordinarily hot group of humans. I’ll wager any amount that there is no positive correlation between being in great shape and getting divorced. In fact, if you’ll give me 3:1 odds, I’ll bet you there is actually a negative correlation between being in great shape and getting a divorce - healthy people are more often happy people, and that probably means happier relationships. You fund the research, I’ll do the bet.
Finally, to Natalie’s attempt to argue that “men have it easy” in what’s required attract women… let’s just do a little comparison:
Formula for what a man has to do to attract women:
“What we want is a guy who can keep up with our intellectual pace, is empathetic and able to articulate his own perspectives, and a man who is able to make us feel like more of a woman.” (continued…)
” If you’re kind, conversational, personable, can be vulnerable and yet confident, and gently touch our elbow to guide us across a crowded room without being controlling and/or condescending, you’ve got a pretty good shot with us.”
Formula for what a woman has to do to attract men:
“Eat Right, Work Out.”
Hm…
Yes, women are more forgiving on looks, I admitted that up front; but the rest? I can tell you in four words how in one short year to successfully and 100% reliably achieve the demands on the what-women-must-do-to-attract-men list: “Eat Right, Work Out”.
Natalie, if you can tell men how to successfully and 100% reliably achieve the demands on your what-men-must-do-to-attract-women list, well, you’ve got yourself next year’s NYT best seller, and I suspect it’s not going to be a thin book.
Oh, and a quick PS: As for the supposed work needed above the neckline? Here’s all you need: “Eat Right, Work Out. Pull your hair into a ponytail, and smile.” Except for freakish nancies like Chris, we don’t care, or even notice, if your eyebrows are plucked or your lipstick matches your clutch. If you look delicious in your running shorts and your tanktop and are smiling in our direction, we very likely are yours for the picking.
Don’t we all.
Doesn’t matter how many contenders there are if “the one” isn’t playing. Was reminded of this while out with my ex last night. *sigh* Too sad.
Apparently, Mark is very emphatic on this issue. As well he should be.
Let’s get one thing straight: Mark, as you alluded, the ability to attract men is completely different from the ability to keep one particular man. Keeping a man does require patience, personal upkeep, and the understanding of what it really means to be a man–mainly, that a “guys’ night out” is as acceptable and necessary as your own “girls’ night out;” that there are times when EACH of you need to be alone, etc. Far too many things to list here.
However, I still contend that we are in dangerous territory when speaking of the ONE thing women are required to do to attract a mate. Contrary to your rebuttal, I’m not arguing that Victorian times were phenomenal for women’s suffrage; rather, I was taking one extreme–that women need to do one singular thing in order to attract men–and answering it with another. All other aspects of feminist theory aside, I still don’t think this is necessarily a good thing. Note that I’m not doubting the veracity of your premise; rather, I’m taking issue with its implications.
In a world where body type–which itself is fluid and ever-changing, due to age/time/childbirth/etc–is considered the be-all and end-all of attractiveness, the advantages are certainly given to those who fit the ideal. However, wouldn’t it be better if the ideal were to consist of some measure of intellect, charm, kindness, or some other aspect of personality? I’m the first to admit that one’s viewpoints and social behavior can change over time (due to maturity/past experiences/etc), but not nearly as dramatically as one’s physical appearance. Shouldn’t we base our compatability on something more subsantial and less given to change? Again, we’re talking in an ideal world; again, I’m not arguing the truth of your assertion. I guess I’m just visualizing some form of utopia.
As for my future NYT bestseller, well, I can’t do it in four words…but I do stand by my statement above on what a man needs to do to attract a woman. Biological imperatives mean that while you are predisposed to enjoy women who appear healthy enough to bear your offspring, we are preprogrammed to be attracted to men we perceive as loyal and good potential fathers who might well stay with us for the duration. That takes the form of confidence sans arrogance, being personable/having a sense of humor, maturity, and lack of misogyny. Pretty simple, honestly.
And SO much easier to fake that than to fake having a nice body. More’s the pity for us easily-duped womenfolk.
“Freakish nancies like Chris.” We all have our little crosses to bear, mate. Had dinner last night with a man who has to fit everything he wants in a woman into a Very Particular Body Type (and it’s absolute) and it could be said you’re the same guy, Mark. That said, my theory is is that all men notice “if your eyebrows are plucked or your lipstick matches your clutch” but very few of us are aware of the magic at work. I am, and it is indeed a weight on my nancy-ass shoulder, alas.
“However, wouldn’t it be better if the ideal were to consist of some measure of intellect, charm, kindness, or some other aspect of personality?” Yes, but I think that in terms of the list, the “eat well, work out” is the first step towards “increasing your pool” after which there is the arduous task of then filtering for the “intellect, charm, kindness.”
Mind you, when I am choosing friends, I swear to sweet Allah above that beauty is not the top of my list. What’s at the top of my list for friends is “some measure of intellect, charm, kindness.”
*I* notice if your “eyebrows are plucked or your lipstick matches your clutch”. But I have *lots* of problems.
Glad to see this thread continuing over here.
P.S. Steel-boned corsets are in again.
Fuck that! I am on eBay for whale bone.
And what on earth would zou be doing with a whale-bone corset??
Never mind, I don’t want to know.
Though you could send it my way if you really wanted. I could use the help.
Natalie - to your other comment about focusing on things more substantial and less given to change than beauty - that’s I think the core of my argument over at my site - that I do not buy the argument that beauty is not substantial. I think it is.
And, *everything* is given to change.
Anthony,
I hear what you’re saying, at least insofar as that if beauty were to be substantial, then my entire argument would be negated. I have read your original posting cursorily, but alas do not have time to address it now. It’s fascinating and not without good points, though…sad to admit. More later (maybe…).
Cheers,
Natalie
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OMG! Our slavish obsession to beauty your ally against us! All the more reason we should mistruct you and keep you down!
EdjbSF U cool ))