Chris Abraham

I promise you that no matter what your body type you will always look better in a pair of boot cut jeans, especially if you have hips. Tapered legs and wide hips don’t go well together at all. Also, many pairs of Seven Jeans or Citizen of Humanity Jeans are stretchy and have lycra content. The stretchiness of the fabric is very flattering to everyone. Men, you too can benefit from a pair of Sevens for men. Since they’re lower cut, you don’t have the godawful “mom jean” effect.

And even though the 22-year-olds in my office tell me that Sevens and COH jeans are “so over” they’re not for old farts like us.

I hate to say it, but if you’re a woman and wearing Levi 501s or Levi 505s, your probably wearing seriously unflattering jeans and there are interns and college girls who are pointing at you and talking behind your back. They’re mom jeans. You look like this:

Do me a favor. You don’t have to buy them just give them a try. Try on a pair. For the love of God! You just have to go to Bloomingdales, Macy’s, or Nordstrom. Try some on. Try loads. Bring ten pair in all sorts of sizes in with you.

Also, they’re all cut long — you will surely need to have them hemmed — none of these jeans are measure for length. You will need to get them altered unless you have super long legs. If you have super long legs, you are probably already wearing a flattering pair of butt jeans.

Also, get them altered for heels. Otherwise, they’re cut wrong. When you go to the drycleaners to get them altered, bring your date heels. They need to be cut to the floor with your heels on. Otherwise, when you wear them with heels, they will be painfully too short.

Its true. Keep your eyes open. You will start to really notice the way women wear them.

You will probably come into a bill of about $125-$175.

There is Citizen of Humanity, Seven Jeans, Paper Denim… well, here’s a list — if the jeans you want to get are not on this list, don’t get them.

Paper, Denim & Cloth
D & G
Chip & Pepper
True Religion
Blue Cult
Hudson
Earnest Sewn
Joe’s Jeans
Jordache Vintage
Paige Denim
Citizens of Humanity
Frankie B
Earl Jeans
Marc by Marc Jacobs
Salt Works
Seven for All Mankind

You’re going to feel uncomfortable in them at first. Ask someone else if you look good in them. You don’t have the taste for this yet. You are stuck in the 80s. At the best, the early 90s. Your jeans taste is awful. Even your cute jeans aren’t.

Sorry but its true.