It has almost been a year since I wrote Don’t Save the Whales.
I just want to remind my gentle readers that the following essay could as easily be called Don’t Save the Manatees, Don’t Save the Children, Don’t Save the Tigers, Don’t Save the Dolphins, Don’t Save the Bay, Don’t Save the World, Don’t Save the Koala, Don’t Save the Pandas, Don’t Save the Rhinos, Don’t Save the Chimps, Don’t Save the Gorillas, or Don’t Save the Elephant.
What Don’t Save the Whales absolutely doesn’t say or even imply, for those of you dull knives, is Kill the Manatees, Kill the Children, Kill the Tigers, Kill the Dolphins, Kill the Bay, Kill the World, Kill the Koala, Kill the Pandas, Kill the Rhinos, Kill the Elephant or Kill the Whales.
Okay, got it?
There is no cause so noble that you should sacrifice your children to its altar. Shame on you.
After 15-years in DC, I have noticed that those noble activists who are saving the world have yet to save themselves, their marriages, their families, and their children.
The children of many of the founders of these organizations are a mess, with boys and girls as scared and abandoned as the children of their more celebrated Hollywood celebrities and New York robber barons. They are cared for by nannies and oftentimes never see their parents for weeks at a time.
All because one or more of their parents are making sacrifices for a higher, nobler cause: saving the whales. Or some similar cause celebre.
The illusion of nobility associated with saving pagan babies, the rain forest, the whales, or the trees is pure distraction from the things that matter most in this life which is saving yourself, protecting and loving your children, your spouse, your parents, your family, and your community.
If you have all of your ducks in a row, if your children are happy and well-adjusted, if your health is good and you get enough sleep and exercise, if you still chase your spouse around the bed pretty regularly, and you call your mother, with energy to spare for yourself, then you have the right to save the whales.
Otherwise, you are chasing phantoms, you are wasting your time, and you had better still yourself enough to remember why you got married, why you had children, and whether the whales really matter to you any more or if you’re just used to saving the whales.
Otherwise, let the whales fend for themselves for a little while while you get yourself together.
If you disrespect your own family enough to abandon them for your noble cause then the whales are better off without you. Resign from your save the whales campaign immediately, move to New York, and settle in to a life on Wall Street.
If you’re going to be ignoble, you might as well do it for money. The entire order cetacea recognize hypocrisy when they see it and they don’t want any of your filthy lucre anyway.
(Special Thanks to Paul Roberts of P.R.A.D.E. (Paul Roberts Amateur Design Enthusiast The blog for the untrained but discriminating design eye) — the Photoshop God — who hooked me up with the Don’t Save the Whales graphic)
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thank you! exactly! well… actually so far! but thats still so true!
lizzy » There may be different ways of speaking but there is a dictionary for a reason and when speaking English, mammal is always spelled mammal and never mamal, especially when that personal supposedly has a husband who studies aquatic mammals. So, you’re just plain wrong, sub-literate, and — to be frank — either lazy or wrong.
shmo » I will use common sense next time if you spend the little bit of time trying to sort out what I am trying to say, too. Meet me half-way.
no! ok i am done trying to undertand what is wrong with you.
to everyone that reads these, dont listen to chris abraham, do as much as you can to help our world and dont let anyone stear you away from what you believe.
shmo » Oh, egad!
i am with shmo, there is no point in this website. afternoon chap! good bye!
lizzy » I appreciate it. Thanks for coming.
ah, chris. you’re my hero. nicely done.
Much obliged, brother!
Dearest Chris >> Reading the above posts about how awful you are, sent me into an outburst of uncontrollable laughter! Laughter coupled with the irony of your article “Don’t Save the Whales” has been good medicine and compelled me to write you in thanks. I have had personal experiences with one that has worn many benevolent masks of philanthropy, such as Saving the World, Saving the Sea, Joining Team Blue and I’d even dare say Saving the Musicians. While at first the motivation to engage in these heroics seemed honorable, ultimately the motive was replace by a relentless need to gain fame and fortune. Ego and greed pushed loved ones aside leading to unloving actions. In the end, and most disappointing of all, I witnessed a loss of integrity and self-love. I don’t believe any success, be it a charity or otherwise can compensate for failure to ones-self or to those beloved to you.
Chris I applaud you for your controversial and antagonistic approach to bring awareness to saving ones-self along with protecting loved ones etc. It’s a brilliant bit of marketing for your site, best wishes for your prosperity. However, as you are aware, it appears the essence of your article was lost on most of your readers.
For the sake of another full-hearted laugh, let me join you in your scrutiny and say, Don’t Save the Whales, Don’t Save the Rainforests, Don’t Save the World, Don’t Save the Sea and Don’t Join Team Blue. Stop trying to fool the world because the person your fooling is yourself. Instead, Save Yourself and I’ll do likewise. Possibly with taking on this objective, money, cars, success, fame and charities will find their appropriate place among priority lists.
The original post by “jenn” on Thursday, January 3, 2008 at 6:46 pm is so surreal to me. Her venom was release upon you because she lacked understanding. Yet her statement ironically has validity to another that shares your name. If there is anyone deserving of having a whale beach itself upon them, it is he.
Thank you for this article and Jenn of Jan. 3 2008 thank you for your post. You have all made my day.
Chris possibly one day Jenn, Kevin and Joe Shmo will discover the truth of this whole confusing affair. And like a lightening bolt, clarity and understanding may strike, and with perfect focus they will finally see the “real you.”
haha wow looking back a my blogs i nvr remember saying any of those things, but they all r true. i still cant believe that u r continuing with this, i mean, what is your motive? theres is no sense for u to display such pofound crap. w/e go on with it
If you’re thinking of eating whale, you might want to think again – the blubber of dead whales in some areas is so highly contaminated with organochlorines such as PCBs and pesticides that it would be classified as toxic waste!
you serrisley think people dont want to save the whales than think again you suck…
What does “serrisley” mean? Seriously!
i think that u r very smart…… y kill thousands of babies a day to abortion but try to save a couple of whales????
i dont understand.
half you “hippie i love the earth save the whales” fuckers are just plain stupid. this guy has a good point, in fact, people who try to save the environment but sacrifice their families are the most selfish of all. Why are you idiots so concerned with whales, do whales put bread on your table, do you get sexual pleasures from whales i mean what the fuck! Whales are a source of oil and food for the people that fish them just as cows are a major source of meat and milk in the U.S. Why don’t you go complain about cows first, after all cows and whales are both animals.
email me at theahndynasty@yahoo.com
if you wanna try to convince my of why whales should be saved. I doubt any of you could come up with a viable argument
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