I will share my secrets to a fantastic relationship anyway because I think dating in Washington — and cities in general — has become a Mexican standoff.
Everything I have learned that applies to making happy and healthy friendship relationships also hold rigorously true were it not for the fact that when we people enter into sexual love relationships, we all get wicked mental.
(I just want you to know that none of this will get you laid or probably into a relationship, but if you are able to effectively bait-and-switch a woman by being a complete unattainable asshole for a couple months and then doing the following things, you should be on your way to a fantastic, sustainable, and healthy relationship, kicking and screaming.)
Okay, it comes down these simple rules:
· Be nice to her
· Giving her more than you (think you) get
· Assuming her good intent
· Give her the gifts she wants not what you want to give her (think both literally and figuratively here, guys)
· Always say please and thank you
· Don’t gossip
· Don’t assume sex
· Don’t take her for granted
· Keep some of your angst to yourself
· Be a man: its your job
· Don’t take advantage
· Don’t poke at her weaknesses or vulnerabilites (the more you get to know and love and trust each other, the easier it will be to pick at her weaknesses — control yourself)
· pick up after yourself
· Compliment her on her looks, her hair, her nails, etc.
· Put down the toilet seat
· Replace the used-up toilet paper
· Buy her flowers more often than seasonally
· Don’t get her drunk to take advantage of her after the first month of dating
· Two words: foot rub; two more words: back rub
Oh, and if you do any of these things and are treated like a Nice Guy or are disrespected, she is a mess and needs a lot of therapy and probably doesn’t believe she deserves anything and anyone but abuse and an abuser.
Dump her because she is currently unmarriageable and will make you forever unhappy. And at the end of the day, choosing to be in a relationship is about two people going out of their natural self-interested zero-sum state and giving a go at the entire “mutual benefit” and “making each other happy” non-zero-sum game.
What’s her dad like? That’s a pretty reliable way to tell who she’ll be into. It has nothing to do with her short- or long-term happiness, you know, its about what you were brought up with as comfortable and reliable and knowable: and if that’s an emotionally distant asshole who used to call her fat, well then she will marry a guy just like that, at least for her first marriage.
Alternately, the short answer: Come from a healthy family and find a girl who comes from a healthy, supportive, and loving family OR lots and lots and lots of therapy for each of you and then more therapy as a couple.
I don’t know what else to say right now… More later.
Next Installments: Secrets to Getting into a Relationship & Secrets to Getting Laid
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Finally, some sense! Particularly, “Oh, and if you do any of these things and are treated like a Nice Guy or are disrespected, she is a mess and needs a lot of therapy and probably doesn’t believe she deserves anything and anyone but abuse and an abuser.”
…But, I fear that you will negate this insight with “Secrets to Getting Laid.” To me, the rules are the same as “Secrets to a Fantastic Relationship.”