When oral sex is perceived as more casual and less intimate than a first kiss, there is going to be blowback, namely that oral sex will be understood as “not cheating.”
A married man or woman would be safe to receive or offer oral sex to someone outside of the marriage and still technically not be having sex outside the marriage.
I already know loads of men who have had “the talk” with their girlfriends — sexual history — and, like a scene from Clerks, oral sex is not included in sexual history. Oral sex is just casual and only Intercourse is included. We men hate that. Of course, yes: its a double standard. That said, when we find out how much inconsequential head has been graced, we go a little nuts. We also have discovered a loophole we can drive a 747 through: oral sex is not cheating! If we are apart or if the opporunity avails, we can receive a “gift” whenever we want and its really nobody’s business.
Male logic: “So, if a blowjob isn’t sex to my girlfriend it means that I can get blowjobs all night long and its cool. Fucking A!”
The blowback, of course, is that few partners in Holy wedlock would consider this behavior as honoring the vows of marriage. I think few boyfriend-girlfriend pairs would be cool with it were it to come clean, either.
The normalization — or cheapening — of very intimate contact with men and women outside of a partnership can be nothing but destructive to “conventional” monogamous relationships — even when the acts are technically “legal.”
To be honest, I don’t know many men or women who are okay with a partner who snuggles with someone else. One might say that snuggling and kissing are very intimate and that a blowjob is just an impersonal act and sometimes a cigar is just a cigar (you know, men just need to get off, you know).
Well, HPV (genital warts) and herpes aside, its not nothing!
Kissing, holding, touching, and stroking are all intimate acts. Giving and receiving oral sex to the Euros is actually considered more intimate than Intercourse. Kissing, fucking, sucking, blowing, and masturbation are all very intimate acts. And to consider their effects on our lives and our hearts longterm to be nominal is very dangerous.
When it comes to affairs of the body between two people, same sex or boy-girl, all interactions are important. As a result, it is immensely important to guard your heart.
The best way to guard your heart is to always put yourself into the other person’s shoes. I have done far from a good job of doing this myself and have found myself painting myself into all sorts of corners — corners I would have not been in had I taken a second to consider my effect on the world. My world: my lovers, my friends, my family, and especially the friends and acquantences who would love to be my lover and the friends and acquantences I would love to love. It is never a good idea to take advantage — to be an opportunist. “Just because you can” is never a good reason to do anything. If you want to experience severe Karmic blowback just toy with someone’s heart, take advantage, just do shit. If you really want to have your Karmic savings trashed, say things like “its all fair on love and war,” we’re both adults,” “she knew what she was getting into,” “it was just a one-night stand and she should have known what it was,” “he should have been mature enough to know what it was.”
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, both when protecting your heart and your soul; when it comes to herpes, AIDS, human papillomavirus (HPV) infection (genital warts), syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, hepatitis, and trichomoniasis, an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure.
Or since I know better the heart and the soul than I did in my 20s, maybe its the other way around: an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure.
Amen.
