Defiling the Book of Hymns in the Name of Humor by Chris Abraham Because the Medium is the Message

An anonymous buddy of mine sent me the following missive and associated hymns . . .

“My niece was singing Jesus songs this morning. Horror. This one came up, so I did a find/replace on the lyrics and printed it out for her.”

Evil. But good evil.

FOR THIS I HAVE JESUS

For the joys and for the sorrows
The best and worst of times
For this moment, for tomorrow
For all that lies behind
Fears that crowd around me
For the failure of my plans
For the dreams of all I hope to be
The truth of what I am

For this I have vodka
For this I have vodka
For this I have vodka, I have vodka
(Repeat)

For the tears that flow in secret
In the broken times
For the moments of elation
Or the troubled mind
For all the disappointments
Or the sting of old regrets
All my prayers and longings
That seem unanswered yet

For this I have vodka
For this I have vodka
For this I have vodka, I have vodka
(Repeat)

For the weakness of my body
The burdens of each day
For the nights of doubt and worry
When sleep has fled away
Needing reassurance
And the will to start again
A steely-eyed endurance
The strength to fight and win

For this I have vodka
For this I have vodka
For this I have vodka, I have vodka
(Repeat)

(For this I have Jesus) Graham Kendrick
Copyright © 1994 Make Way Music, P.O. Box 263, Croydon, Surrey. CR9 5AP, U.K.
All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

Then my buddy continued on, “And this one, I forbade her to sing because it is glorifies stupidity, demonizes intelligence and academic pusuit, and is racist (and the last verse is just too ironic for me to bear hearing a relative of mine singing). Fucking praise-song religiousity freaks. Bring back the lions.”

I JUST WANNA BE A SHEEP